Tell Me That You Love Me
by FriendlyGirl333
Summary: Spencer develops an addiction to Ashley that she will fight to keep. Could this addiction lead to other addictions? Read and find out!
1. New Beginnings

So I know a lot of my other fans are going to hate me for starting a different story when I haven't finished my Baley story. Especially since it's not One Tree Hill but I couldn't get myself motivated to continue with that story right now. I have been dealing with some certain feelings for a girl who was my best friend until she cut me out of her life. It will kind of be portrayed in here but not completely. I know I said I wasn't gay and to me I'm not… I just happened to fall in love with one girl. Any other girl wouldn't do it for me.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of this story. South of nowhere doesn't belong to me so please don't sue me! Thanks.

* * *

><p>My name is Spencer Carlin. I'm eighteen and about to start my senior year at a brand new school in Los Angeles. My mom got transferred to a hospital here so we all have to adjust for her. I can't say I'm complaining too much, I mean LA sounds interesting. I will miss my friends though; they were a big part of my life.<p>

So here I am, getting out of my brothers piece of shit car and getting stared down by, well everyone. Who knew most of the kids here would have filthy rich parents who bought them expensive cars? This is definitely not going to be fun.

"Where are you going?" Glen and Clay asked as I took in the sight of the school.

"I guess I'm going to go find my first hour. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll find my locker." I replied before walking off to find science.

As the day went on, I was definitely whispered about and pointed at. I kept checking my clothes to make sure I hadn't spilled anything on them and then I realized they were making fun of the fact that my clothes weren't as expensive as theirs. Not that I care, I love American Eagle.

During my whole thought process I hadn't even noticed a trio of girls standing together and I ran into one of them, causing me to fall straight back onto my ass. I groaned out in pain as I slowly got up and wiped the dirt off the back of my jeans.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" The girl asked me. She was Hispanic with brown hair and blonde highlights. She was wearing a cheerleading outfit that showed off her toned legs and abs. "Hello? I asked you a question dumb ass." She said once again with a sneer, snatching me from my trance.

"Sorry- I – uh didn't see you." I picked up my books and was about to walk away before she stopped me.

"Wait. I'm sorry; I'm just pissed because me and my boyfriend are fighting. You're new right?"

"Yeah, I just moved here last week." I replied as I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Have you been into cheerleading before?" She asked as she eyed me down. As if she could tell by my figure if I had before or not.

"Yes, actually I have." I replied with a smile.

"Well you should consider coming to try outs tomorrow. They are in the gym at 4 o clock."

"I'll think about it." I replied with a nod of my head.

* * *

><p>I had gotten a lot more books than I thought I would, so I made my way to find my locker before my last hour of the day. It seems like I had searched all over the damn school to find this locker and most of the kids were in their classes already. I looked down at my paper 104. Come on 104, where the hell are you?<p>

Before I could look up to find this pain in the ass locker I came crashing down into a girl, causing the both of us to fall, which in turn made her spill her coffee. I must be the clumsiest bitch alive to run into two people in one day.

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled in the huskiest voice I had ever heard come out of a girl's mouth. It had this raspy sound to it that caused butterflies to swarm inside my stomach. "Watch where you're going!" she took off towards what looked like the bathroom as she tried to get the coffee off of her. I watched her walk away and noticed she was wearing shorts that came to just below her ass and a vest that allowed you to see her stomach and chest. I never got these feelings before, but it was a turn on for sure. I realized I was already late for my class so I took off to English.

"Miss what's your name?" The teacher asked as I walked in while all of the other kids just sat there and stared at me as I took a seat.

"Spencer Carlin." I mumbled as I tried to avoid contact with anyone.

"Spencer it's the first day of school and-" before she could continue the girl I had ran into earlier had just walked in. Oh fuck my life. She strutted in like she just knew everyone wanted to fuck her, before slamming her bag down on her desk and crossing her legs.

"Miss Davies, what a pleasure to see you." The teacher said with a monotone as she crossed her arms.

"I would say the same but I'd be lying." The girl shot back causing the room to snicker.

"Ashley and Spencer, I'd like to see you both after class for being late. Now then, on with our lesson for today." Damn it! It's my first day and I'm already getting into trouble.

I couldn't help but zone out of what the teacher was saying and zone in on this Ashley girl. She didn't wear a TON of make-up. She had a smoky eye with clear lip gloss. Her skin was naturally tan and it looked so soft and clear. She was wearing dog tags as a necklace and a necklace with a guitar pick. Her hair went to her shoulders and she had a pink streak in it. I followed her long legs down to her dc shoes. She kind of dressed like a boy but in a sexy way. I followed her legs all the way back up to her face to find her smirking at me. I could feel my cheeks heating up causing me to turn away quickly.

"So you're into girls?" I turned to my left to see this girl staring at me.

"What? No—I-" I mumbled causing her to laugh.

"Look it's cool. People aren't as judgmental then where ever the hell you came from. I'm a lesbian. My name's Carmen."

"I'm not a lesbian. I had a boyfriend back home that I just broke up with because I had to move here." I whispered back causing her to laugh.

"Having a boyfriend doesn't mean shit." I was going to retaliate but I decided to let it go.

"So who is she?" I asked before glancing back to the girl I had just been staring at. She was too busy texting to notice.

"Ashley Davies. She is the daughter of Raife Davies, Legendary rock star. She dates this guy Aiden off and on which they are currently on but rumor has it that she likes to be with girls when she's not with him." Carmen whispered back causing me to go wide eyed.

"So she's bi?" I asked with curiosity. Not like I'm interested, just—curious.

Carmen smirked before shrugging, "Not sure. Like I said, it's just a rumor. Just so you know, when I say she likes to get with girls when she's not with them, I mean a lot of girls. Apparently she gets them attached and then goes straight back to Aiden and leaves them hanging. I wouldn't get any ideas."

"No!" I yelped causing a few people around me, including Ashley, to glance at me. When they went back to doing whatever I turned back to Carmen. "I'm not trying to get with her. Like I said, I'm not a lesbian. I was just curious."

She rolls her eyes before laughing. "I'm serious!"

"Okay! Okay." She replied while shaking her head. I tried to focus on the lecture but I was too caught up in everything that Carmen had just told me to pay attention.

Before I knew it the bell had rang. I gathered my stuff up before following Ashley up to the teacher's desk.

"It's the first day of school and you guys are already coming in late—"The teacher started before Ashley cut her off.

"Actually Ms. Lee, we are girls, If the boobs and long hair didn't give you a clue." She smarted off with a smirk.

I giggled causing Ms. Lee to glare at us both. "Don't make this a habit or I'll be seeing you both in detention. You can both leave without the attitude."

"Gladly." Ashley replied before we both walked out. I was too nervous to talk to her after she had yelled at me earlier so I kept my distance as we made our way to the parking lot.

"Shit." I mumbled. Guess Glen didn't feel like waiting for me.

"Need a ride?" She asked, noticing that her car was the only one in the parking lot. And a nice car it was.

"I can walk." I replied quietly as I began to walk in the direction of my new house.

"Look, Spencer—its Spencer right?" I nodded, letting her continue. "I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier. I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend and I guess I took it out on you. Can I give you a ride to make up for it?"

"I guess everyone's fighting with their boyfriends today." I replied as I contemplated the ride.

"What do you mean?" She asked as she cocked an eyebrow, which I thought was extremely hot. Woah, I shouldn't be thinking that.

"I ran into Madison today and—"

"Don't even bother with her. She's a crazy bitch." Ashley replied quickly with a glare that kind of made me nervous. "So you want a ride?"

"Sure." What could it hurt?

* * *

><p>There's the first chapter. . what do you guys think? I know it's a lot like the actual show but I will have my own drama for them and some from the show just so everyone can relive it since they canceled it. Review?<p> 


	2. I'll Protect Her

Thanks for the reviews you guys! And if you haven't read my one tree hill stories then I'd like you guys to know that I leave personal replies to the reviews I get at the bottom of every chapter. On with the story.

* * *

><p>"So where are you from?" We were driving to my house after giving Ashley the directions.<p>

"Ohio." I replied as I closed my eyes as the breeze from her top down convertible blew my hair back.

"Ohio? How the hell did you end up here?" She asked in shock causing me to laugh.

"My mom was offered a job at the hospital here. We just moved here a couple weeks ago." We just pulled onto my street and in front of my house.

"Well if you'd like, I could take you out tonight. Show you the night life of LA." She said in her raspy voice causing the butterflies to flutter once again. Damn, what's this girls voice doing to me?

"I'll have to ask my mom to see if it's okay. Would you mind coming to meet her just so she will chill out knowing that I'm not going out at night with a weird stalker guy?" I asked with a twinge of hope. My mom is super protective and has to know everything I'm up to.

"I think I can manage that, although parents don't usually like me." She replied with a laugh as we both got out of her car and walked up to my front door.

"Thanks. She's just really protective, and I'm sure they'll love you." I said as I unlocked the door.

"Well with a pretty girl like you, I could see why they'd be protective." I had opened the door as she said that so I didn't have time to process it before my mom was already walking towards me.

"Hey mom, this is Ashley. Ashley this is my mom, Paula." I said, introducing them as I set my bag down on the couch.

"You can call me Mrs. Carlin." She replied with an icy glare as she shook Ashley's hand.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. C." Ashley replied ignoring the hateful look she received. I hate when my mom acts like this. She's so judgmental.

"Ashley gave me a ride home today because Glen left me." I started off so she would be on my side before I had to ask my question.

"Well that was nice of her." She gave a soft smile which was surprising. Maybe this won't be so hard.

"Ashley was just telling me that she would be willing to show me around LA tonight—if it's okay with you?" I asked hopeful, as my mom contemplated my question.

"I don't know Spence. LA can be dangerous at night." Damn it to hell. I would like to be able to at least make one friend while I'm here.

"I promise I'll take good care of her." Ashley said causing me to have a shocked look on my face. We just met and she's already promising to protect me.

"I guess it will be alright. Clay or Glen has to go with you girls though." Ughh. Glen's an ass and Clay's well—he's really protective of me.

"I'll go ask real quick." I replied before taking off up the stairs. I knocked on Clay's before he gave me the cue to come in. He was sitting at his desk reading a book. Typical.

"Hey Clay, this girl named Ashley Davies wants to take me out tonight to show me LA but mom said you or Glen has to come with us. You wanna go?" I asked sweetly, hoping I'd get my way.

He glanced up from his book and frowned. "I have her in my second hour and I heard some stuff about her today. I don't know if you should be hanging out with her."

I sigh as I run a hand through my hair, "Look Clay, we aren't really ones that should believe rumors. If the rumors were true about me in Ohio then I would be knocked up wouldn't I?"

He scowled before shaking his head, "Let's not get into that right now, but yes, I'll go."

"Thanks!" I squealed before running over to give him a hug. "I'll text you when I figure out where to meet us." I ran back down the stairs to Ashley before giving her the good news.

"Clay said he'd go. You think I could borrow some clothes? I don't really have night time attire for LA, just jeans and t shirts." We looked to be about the same size and I don't wanna look like a hick town girl standing next to her. Didn't I just say I didn't care if people didn't like my clothes this morning? Oh well.

"No problem. Let's go." She replied with a smile causing me to smile in return.

"Mom, I'm leaving," I yelled out before grabbing Ashley's hand and pulling her out the door before my mom could stop us with a change of heart.

* * *

><p>We finally managed to pull up to her gigantic house. It looked like Donald Trump or Britney Spears could be living here.<p>

"Holy Shit," I mumbled causing her to glance at me.

"Yeah it's pretty big." She replied as she drove down the driveway. "I honestly don't know why we still live here. I'm pretty much the only one here. My mom is always traveling and stuff so I don't see much of her and my dad is always on tour."

"Yeah I heard about your dad being a rock star. My dad's obsessed with him." I said nonchalantly as we got out of her car and walked into the house.

"So you asked about me huh?" I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt a blush creep on my face. She had the biggest shit eating grin on her face. I had to come up with something quick.

"Well I was just wondering where your attitude came from and after I was told you were the daughter of a rock star, it all made since." I replied coolly as I collected myself before following her upstairs to her bedroom.

"Oh so I have an attitude now, huh? Well I guess you're right." She said with a grin as she grabbed some dresses out of her closet and threw them on the bed. "I already know what I'm wearing but here's a few for you to choose from. In my opinion, I think you would look smokin' in this." She picked up a strapless black mini dress that had a matching belt that was covered in sequins.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked, obviously wanting to go change.

"You can change in here Spence, I'm not gonna take advantage of you." She replied with a raspy laugh that made me weak in the knees. Just hearing her give me a nick name made my stomach do summersaults.

I rolled my eyes with a laugh before giving in. I pulled my shirt off and threw it down before unbuttoning my pants and sliding them off. I could see her eyeing me as she was pulling something out of her closet. I turned so that my back was facing her as I slid the dress up. I unclipped my bra before taking it off and tossing it into the pile of my clothes. I tried to zip it up my self but was unsuccessful.

"Hey Ash, can you give me a hand?" Ash. I could get used to saying that. I could also get used to moaning it out—definitely shouldn't be thinking about that.

"I can do a lot with my hands, so you're gonna have to be more specific." I could feel the heat between my legs at the possibility of what all she could do with her hands.

I gulped before calming myself so my voice didn't crack, "With the zipper." She laughed as she walked over. She ran her fingers down my back causing goosebumps to rise, before pinching the zipper and pulling it up. I could feel her breath on the back of my neck and I thought I was going to lose it right then and there. Thankfully she moved away a minute later so I could regain my composure.

As I turned around she had quickly unbuttoned her vest and let it drop before pulling her shorts off. She unclipped her bra but instead of turning around, she faced me as she let it drop. I think I just died. I had never seen another girls breasts in person before, except for in movies.

"My eyes are up here, Spence." I glanced up to see her smirking and I know for a fact I was blushing cus my face was heated.

I quickly turned my head away before stuttering, "I—sorry—I just—"

"Don't worry about it. You can check me out anytime." I looked back at her and she had slipped on a dark green dress that had a plunging neck line.

"Don't get too cocky." I replied with a shake of my head and a smile to let her know I was playing.

"I can't help it when I have you staring me down like a piece of meat." She retaliated causing me to roll my eyes.

"I was not! I was just—oh forget it." I grabbed some heels she threw me before sliding them on.

She walked over to me before leaning down so that her mouth was close to my ear and I could feel her breath, "Don't worry, Spence. I was checking you out too." She walked out of the room before I could process anything. This girl will be the death of me.

* * *

><p>We ended up going to a club called Chaos. I was unsure about going considering the name but Ashley assured me it was a good club and that she was friends with the club owner if we had any problems. I text Clay to inform him of where to go and he said he would be there in about half an hour.<p>

"Let's get some drinks." Ashley said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bar. It was crazy how amazing our hands felt together.

"And how do you suppose we do that? I don't have a fake ID." I replied with a snort causing her to give me a raspy laugh in response.

"I already told you that I'm cool with the club owner, which is at the bar right now." With all of the weird feelings I've been having all night, I don't think it'd be so bad to have a few drinks.

"Hey sexy, haven't seen you in a while." The girl, who I'm assuming is the club owner, said to Ashley. Is it so wrong that I feel a little jealous? Probably.

"Hey hun, can we get a couple shots?" I watched as Ashley sweet talked her.

"Maybe. When are we gonna hook up again?" My mouth probably dropped in shock and Ashley froze and took a minute to reply.

"I told you that was a one time thing. You gonna hold it against me?" She was definitely a smooth talker that's for sure.

"I guess not. Who's the girl?" She asked before nodding towards me. Ashley glanced towards me and had what looked to be guilt in her eyes before turning back to the girl.

"She's a friend, her name's Spencer."

"Well I'm Jaden. It's nice to meet you."

I nodded with a polite smile before grabbing one of the shots she slid towards me. I downed the shot, trying to take the edge off of the situation.

"You okay Spence?" Ashley asked with concern in her voice. I ignored it before quickly downing the shot that was intended for Ashley.

"I'm fine just need a couple drinks." I replied before asking for a couple more shots. I downed the third one but actually let Ashley have the fourth one. I could already feel the alcohol hitting me, making me feel kind of woozy.

"If you will excuse us," Ashley said to Jaden before grabbing my hand and leading me away.

"So you are into girls? Well sleeping with girls. Heard about that today too." I stated before rolling my eyes causing her to frown.

"Yeah well you are gonna hear plenty of rumors about me. You shouldn't always listen to them." She seemed kind of angry but I was too intoxicated to care.

"Why not? They've all been true so far." I retorted with a snort.

"Look Spence, you seem like a really cool person but don't try to act like you know me. You don't know all of the shit I've been through or what I've dealt with. So I've slept with a few girls. It's not that big of a deal."

"So what's going on with you and Aiden?" I asked, ignoring the last thing she said.

"We broke up today." She replied before looking away. Shit, I feel like a bitch now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." I replied quietly. Although I'm not sure if she heard me considering the music was playing loud.

"It's cool. Happens a lot." I was about to reply when I saw Clay walking towards us.

"Clay- bear!" I squealed before jumping into his arms for a hug. "Clay this is Ashley, Ashley this is my brother."

She had a look of bewilderment displayed across her face which caused me to frown. "This is your brother?" She asked causing me to wonder what the problem was. I looked at Clay before laughing at why she was questioning it.

"He was adopted." I replied causing her to nod in understanding.

"Spencer, are you drunk?" Clay questioned, causing me to tense up. Oh shit, he's gonna tell mom.

"Nooooo." I replied before stumbling back causing Ashley to catch me.

"You know you can't come home drunk right?" He questioned, well it was more of a statement I guess.

"She can stay the night at my house." Ashley said causing my heart to flutter. Sleeping in the same bed as her was going to be hard, yet there was no way I was gonna say no.

"Just tell mom and dad that I decided to crash at Ashley's tonight. I'll deal with them tomorrow." I replied tired of this conversation, tired in general.

"Alright then I'm going to head home since you guys don't need me. Take care of my sister, Ashley." Clay warned her before walking off.

"Is he always like that?" She asked with a laugh.

"Pretty much. Wanna dance?" I asked, changing the subject. She nodded in response before grabbing my hand and leading me to the dance floor. I was feeling brave tonight so I spun around so that my ass was against her and began to grind to the beat. Her hands landed on my hips as she moved along with me. I don't think I've ever been turned on so much in my life. I grab her hands and wrap them around my waist so that we are even closer as I grind harder into her. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. This is not anything I would ever do. I guess I can blame it on the alcohol? After the end of the song I was officially worn out, and turned on beyond belief and I knew if we kept dancing, I might end up trying to ravish her in the bathroom.

"Hey Ash? Do you think we could head back to your place? I'm wiped out."

She nodded with a nose crinkling smile that made me feel something I've never felt before, and I'm not even sure what it was. I started to walk towards the entrance but I was still clearly intoxicated, causing me to stumble again.

"Let me help." She said before wrapping an arm over her shoulder, before leading me out to the car.

"Are you gonna be okay to drive?" I asked as I fell into the passenger seat.

"I only had one shot. Not three, like you did." She replied with a laugh as she started the ignition and got us back to her house.

* * *

><p>She helped me to her room before I fell onto the bed. She handed me a t shirt and some shorts. I tried to unzip my dress but was unsuccessful. "Ash." I whined causing her to roll her eyes with a smirk before she came over and unzipped the dress. I slid it down in front of her causing her to go wide- eyed. "What? You said you already checked me out earlier, so what's the point in covering up now?"<p>

"This is true." She replied as she helped me put the shirt on and then helped me slide the shorts up my legs. Heat went straight in between my legs as her hand grazed my crotch over my underwear. I even think a soft moan slipped out but I don't think she caught it because she began undressing herself. Fucking shit. I can see her chest again; I think she knows it turns me on. I thought she was going to put some clothes on but all she did was put her bra back on and got into bed next to me.

"I don't like wearing clothes when I sleep, too restraining. I usually don't wear my bra but I figured you would stare me down all night." She said obviously reading my mind. I blushed before shaking my head.

"In your dreams, Ashley Davies." I replied as I closed my eyes.

"Maybe." She retaliated, causing me to smirk. She clapped her hands twice causing the lights to go out.

"Impressive." I said as I snuggled up to my pillow.

"Thanks. Good night, Spence. I had fun with you tonight."

"I had fun with you too, Ash. Good night."

It didn't take long before I thought Ashley was asleep. I was just barely drifting off when I thought I was being attacked. Ashley's arm had swung over and grabbed my arm before pulling me over to her so that my chest was against her back and my arm was around her waist. I was too happy to even care if she realized that she did it or not so I didn't bother saying anything. I fell asleep content with my arm around her waist just to end up dreaming about her. This was definitely not good.

* * *

><p>Baley-fo-life: Yeah i suppose so! haha. I mean I've never wanted to date a girl but for some reason this one in particular got me hooked and then pretty much threw me away. Thanks for being so supportive you don't know how hard this is for me. I just came out to my best friend and she took it really well. She told me it might be good for me and maybe guys just dont give me the emotional connection that I want. To make it short she was totally supportive. Thanks for reviewing the chapter and supporting me and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.<p>

me: I don't know who me is but thanks for the review! I appreciate it!

hugbuddy13: I am glad you are enjoying it already. thanks for the review!

To my other loyal reviews who have been messaging me with supportive messages. You don't know how much it means to me. I love you guys to death. ALL OF YOU!


	3. Does This Turn You On?

I hope you guys are enjoying this story… I like to hear input on it so that I can fix what needs to be changed. Thanks for the support.

* * *

><p>The next day was kind of a blur. Ashley woke me up for school and gave me a ride home to change but nothing was said about the previous night. I went through all of my class just waiting for my last hour so I could see her face. It's kind of pathetic if you ask me. I barely know this girl, yet I can't imagine not ever seeing her face again.<p>

As I sat down for lunch, it hadn't even processed that I would get to see her there. I felt something graze my shoulder before sitting down next to me. I turned to face the most gorgeous brown eyes. I seriously need to stop thinking these things about her.

"Hey Spence," she greeted me in her raspy voice.

"Hey," I replied back. I wasn't really sure what to say to her after last night. I had acted like a complete idiot in front of her and I had a major hangover.

"So did your mom freak that you didn't come home last night?" She asked as she bit into an apple. Why does everything she does have to look so seductive?

"Nah. She just said to make sure I let her know instead of Clay next time." I lied about the part where my mom said I shouldn't be staying the night with someone I barely know.

"Well that's good. Do you think you could stay the night tonight, or no? I just don't want to be alone again tonight. I guess I should be used to it by now and I usually just pick someone up from the club, but I thought I'd ask you." She rambled on causing me to smile. I don't think she lets anyone see this side of her. Every time we are in front of people she acts like a hard ass.

"Yeah, I'll shoot her a text in a little bit." I replied before eating a couple fries. "Would you mind staying in tonight? I still have a major hangover from last night."

"No problem. I'll get a movie or something for us."

I nodded in response before smirking at her. "What?" She asked, causing me to grin.

"Oh nothing, besides the fact that I thought I was being attacked last night when you decided to make me your cuddle buddy."

She let out a raspy laugh, "I did? I guess I'm just used to having someone in my bed."

"It's alright. I didn't mind." I replied shyly, causing her to cock an eyebrow.

"Oh really? Well I'm not surprised. Everyone likes to cuddle with Ashley Davies." I scoffed before shaking my head as I finished my food.

"I'll see you in fifth period, Ashley Davies." I emphasized her full name with a smirk as I walked away.

* * *

><p>School was pretty lame except for the fact that I got to see Ashley. I sent a text to my mom to let her know I was staying the night at Ashley's and she didn't care. It was a Friday night so I didn't have to be up early for anything anyways.<p>

Ashley gave me a ride in her sweet ass car that I love so much, before making our way to the movie rental store. We grabbed a couple including, Black Swan and Due Date.

As we went up to the cash register, I noticed some yummy candy. "They have cookie dough bites here!" I shouted causing her to jump. She smirked at my childish behavior before grabbing a couple boxes and throwing them on the counter with our movies. She handed the guy some cash before grabbing our stuff and leading me out of the store.

"I could have bought them." I stated shyly. I was never one to ask someone to buy me something.

"Who said they were for you?" She replied before sticking her tongue out causing me to scoff.

"Well fine then." I said as I crossed my arms.

"I'm just kidding. Although, I might make you work for them."

* * *

><p>So here we are in her massive theatre room, and she's making me catch the cookie dough bites in my mouth in order for me to have them. I can't decide what I'm more aggravated about, the fact that she's making me work for these amazing cookie dough bites or the fact that I wish I had a huge ass theatre room in my house. They even have couches that go down in rows like the chairs do in the actual theatre. We were cuddled up on the furthest one back with a big comfy blanket as we watched the movie and I had to catch the food in my mouth.<p>

"You know, you're the first person I've ever brought into this room." Ashley stated causing me to look at her wide eyed.

"Really? Not even Aiden?" I asked curiously.

"Nope. We were always in my room or going out somewhere." She replied nonchalantly as she continued to throw me candy. I missed most of them but I managed to catch this piece. I threw my hands up in victory.

"All gone." She stated as she tossed the box to the side. I pouted causing her to let out a raspy laugh. I felt butterflies as placed a hand on my arm. I stared into her eyes but was quickly brought back to reality as I realized she had said something. "Spence?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." I quickly lied to cover up my embarrassment.

"I don't know how you couldn't, the movies over."

"Don't make fun of my hard hearing." I replied with squinted eyes.

"Fine. Let me go put in the next movie." She replied before getting up. I quickly missed the warmth of her body being next to me.

"So what's this movie about?" I asked as she put it in.

"I'm not really sure but Mila Kunis is a hot bitch so I don't really care." I just smiled and nodded my head, not really wanting to agree with her for the fear of what she might think.

She sat back next to me so I put the pillow on her hip before laying my head on it. She placed on arm over my left shoulder and let her hand rest on my stomach and placed her other hand in my hair as she ran her fingers through it. I had never felt so comfortable in my entire life. I had fallen asleep a couple of times throughout the movie but quickly woke up to see Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman staring intently at each other. Before I knew it they lunged at each other and began making out. I almost wanted to look up at Ashley to see her reaction but I'm sure she'd be able to see the red in my cheeks even in the dark. Soon they had each other clothes off and Natalie was on the bed as Mila pulled her underwear off. I felt heat go between my legs as Mila went in between Natalie's legs and began eating her out. I felt Ashley grip my shirt tightly and I'm sure she was thinking the same thing that I was. This is fucking hot. I had never been with a girl before but just seeing this made me want to and I'm not even sure if I'm okay with that.

I was even more turned on as Ashley's other hand gripped my hair. Who knew I liked my hair to be pulled? Natalie was moaning really loud and was making this unbearable for me. I need release… pronto.

I let my hand slowly travel down my stomach underneath the blanket so that Ashley couldn't see. I began to slowly rub myself, hoping she couldn't feel what I was doing. It felt so good just to get some pressure even though I knew I wouldn't be able to release with her next to me.

"Does this turn you on?" Ashley whispered huskily into my ear, almost causing me to moan.

"I guess if I was into this type of thing it would." Was the only response I could get out. I really hope she hadn't felt me move my hand.

"Yeah I guess so." She replied just as Natalie got smothered by herself. You'd have to watch it to understand, but it's freaky.

Ashley let up on my hair before going back to running her fingers through it. I was kinda relieved cus that almost made me pounce her.

I felt myself drifting off again as the feeling of her running her fingers through my hair calmed me. Before I knew it, Ashley was waking me up and the movie was over.

"We could sleep down here or go up to my comfy bed?" She asked as I frowned at her.

"But you're comfy." I pouted, acting childish again. It's what I do best.

"Oh come on. Your neck would be sore in the morning if we slept like this, and so would mine for that matter." She pulled me up by my hand causing me to growl in frustration. She led me up her stairs before we finally made it to her bedroom. I threw myself onto her bed with the little stamina I had left.

"You're going to be uncomfortable in your school clothes." She stated as she took off her shirt and shorts, leaving her bra and underwear on like she did last night. She then pulled out a tank top and shorts for me to wear.

"So change me." I muttered as I laid myself out flat so that she could pull my clothes off easier.

"You're such a baby." She muttered with a light laugh before pulling my jeans off and my t shirt off. She pulled the shorts up and I lifted myself a bit so she could pull them up all of the way. She was about to pull tank top over my head but I growled before rolling onto my stomach.

"No bra." I grumbled. She laughed before unclipping my bra and helped me remove it. She slid the tank over my head and her hands slid over my nipples causing me to gasp. I was still a bit turned on from earlier, who wouldn't be. She muttered an apology before pulling it down all of the way. She clapped, causing the light to shut off before sliding into bed next to me and pulling the covers over us.

Who knew I'd be so awake now? I just couldn't get comfortable. I contemplated snuggling up to her but I didn't want to freak her out. To hell with it, might as well. I acted as if I was asleep and threw my arm over her side. She pulled my arm closer so that my front was pressed against her back, causing me to smile. Now I was comfortable, I thought as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Like I said a lot of what I'm writing in this story is what I've dealt with in my life. I'm not saying every single thing is true. I've never been in a mansion before but a lot of the events that I put in here have happened. I might have changed a few things so who knows which parts im talking about. I guess if you wanna know you can just ask me.<p>

Rain1657: You know how much your reviews mean to me. They seriously help me get the motivation to write the next chapter. Thanks for always supporting me.

Baley-fo-life: I messaged you back but just in case you don't see it, I'm doing okay I guess. Just dealing with a broken heart, some problems that im trying to deal with, and moving on. It's been rough but I appreciate the support.


	4. I Want To Feel Numb

It had been a couple months and everything had been going good. I became really good friends with Carmen. I was getting good grades in class, and luckily I hadn't pissed anyone off yet. Well except for when I told Madison that I didn't want to join the cheer squad. Ashley and I had been inseparable until lately.

She wouldn't say a lot to me when she saw me. She wouldn't ever text me back. It's like she was avoiding me and I have no clue what I did. You'd think I would be able to get something out of her at lunch or fifth period but she would just say she was in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking. I was currently in fifth period and I was studying her features. She wouldn't even look at me. I decided that I had to figure out what was going on. I waited until after class was over before following her out.

"Hey Ash," I yelled, getting her attention as we walked out into the courtyard.

"Yeah Spence?" She wouldn't look me directly in the eye.

"Can we talk?" I asked with a bit of hope that she would say yes. I don't think I've ever felt so needy before.

She sighed before nodding and followed me to a table. "What's going on?" I asked after we sat there for a minute.

"What do you mean?" Really? You've been avoiding me for a week now and that's your response?

"You've been ignoring me the past week. I was just wondering if I did something wrong." I stated before looking down at my shoes. I could feel tears building up and I didn't want her to see. Since when am I a cry baby? Pull yourself together Spencer!

"I'm sorry. I got back together with Aiden." I looked up at her with confusion.

"So you have to ignore me?"

"It's not just that. He's just… really jealous of you. He thinks we are together."

I laugh at the stupidity of what she just said. I mean yeah I have had feelings for her but she doesn't know that. "And why in the hell would he possibly think that?"

"He just said we are together all of the time." I looked at her like she just told me pigs could fly. That's the fucking reason?

"Fine then you never have to talk to me again." I replied before turning to walk away.

"Spencer, wait!" She yelled at me causing me to look back at her.

"Fuck you." I seethed before continuing my walk to my brother's car.

Turns out my brother got tired of waiting for me and left. I walked home crying the entire way as I received apology texts from Ashley. I didn't reply to any of them.

As soon as I got home I rushed up to my room and locked my door so my parents didn't see me crying. I pulled out my cell and deleted all of Ashley's texts before deciding to text Carmen.

_Anything going on tonight? _She always liked to party on the weekends and I needed to feel numb.

_Party at my house. You can stay the night._ It was easier to get my mom to let me go out if I was staying the night somewhere.

_I'll be there._

I don't think I've ever felt this abandoned before. We were only friends for a couple months and this is how I feel?

I'm fucked.

* * *

><p>I wore a simple t shirt and jeans to the party. Hell if I was trying to impress somebody. I immediately pushed myself through the crowd of people, looking for booze as they swayed with the music that was currently playing. Ashley and Carmen weren't friends, so I knew she wouldn't be here. I found a bottle of vodka sitting on a table. It hadn't even been opened, stupid drunk people. I picked it up along with a shot glass before sitting on a couch. I contemplated doing a few shots. What the fuck am I thinking? Drinking isn't going to make me feel better. I sighed before placing the bottle on the table. I get up and decide to be a good friend and start picking up trash.<p>

"Need a hand?" I looked up to see a pretty cute guy was talking to me.

"Sure." I replied with a smile. He was in one of my classes. David! That's right.

He began to help me pick up a couple cups but I could see him stumble quite a bit. He was pretty shitfaced.

"How bout we deal with this later? Wanna go out for a smoke?" I nodded my head before following him outside.

We leaned against the side of the house as we smoke a cigarette. The burn against my throat made me feel a little better.

"So you're in my computer class right?" I nod again without saying anything.

"That's pretty co—" He started to say but someone had cut him off when they yelled my name. I looked over to see Ashley and Aiden walking towards me. I felt my blood boil as I noticed his arm around her waist. I moved so that I was standing in front of David. I leaned against him so that my ass was against his crotch. He wrapped his arms around my waist in response.

"What do you want Ashley?" I asked as they walked closer to me.

"I just wanted to come check on you. I figured you were here." One thing I hated about her was she knew exactly how I was feeling at all times. She could read me so easily, whether I was happy, mad, or sad.

"I don't need you to check on me." I spat out. I could tell that one hurt her.

"Come on baby let's go inside." David said, before pulling me back towards the house. I flicked my cigarette towards her, causing it to land in front of her feet.

"Alright let's go." I replied as I still looked at Ashley.

She glanced at me one more time before walking back to her car with Aiden. Fuck her then.

It was getting pretty late and a lot of people had left. Carmen decided me and another friend would crash in her room and the rest could crash anywhere else.

"Can I sleep in there with you guys?" Uh oh. Did I mention I'm a virgin? And that I didn't plan on losing that anytime soon.

"Ummm sure." I replied as we walked into her room.

"Sleep on the floor with me." He replied sexily. As long as we just sleep! I laid down on the floor next to him and he pulled a blanket over us. Carmen and her friend Amy were laying down in her bed. I could start to feel David's hand running over my body. This is not going to be good. Maybe if I ignore him he'll stop. I felt a buzz come out of my back pocket. I pulled my phone out and I had a text from Carmen.

_Be careful. We'll be right back._

_Of course I will._ I replied.

(Sorry but this next scene is hard for me to write so bear with me if I didn't do a good job. I already explained I've gone through certain stuff and this would be it. This part is the exact thing I went through including those texts and the sleeping arrangements.)

As soon as Carmen and Amy got out of bed and walked out, they shut the door. Fuck. Maybe it wasn't a good idea if they left. He automatically started running his hands all over me again. He dipped his hands in my pants and rubbed against my underwear. Now I'm not prude and I've done other stuff so I can go along with this. I moan as he runs his fingers hard before slipping them in my underwear and rubs against my folds. Fuck that feels good. I feel him grab my hand and he sticks it in his pants. He places my hand against his shaft so I begin to pump him. He groans a little as he slides a finger in me. Before I know it he's pulling my pants down just enough so he can rub his dick against my folds.

I tense up, causing him to notice. "Don't worry. We don't have to have sex. Just go along with it." I nod even though I know he can't see me in the dark. He continues to rub his dick against my clit. He keeps sliding it close to my hole and I can feel panic start to build up but then he pulls away. He pushes himself up so that he's on top of me. Now David plays football so he is definitely a big muscular guy. I kind of think he takes steroids. He begins to pull my pants off all the way which makes me freak out so I try to pull them back up.

"We're not going to have sex David." I stated so that he would know.

"Okay." He replied. He pulled them all the way down before he starts to slide it against my clit again. It was actually feeling good but before I knew it he slid it in me. I froze and tried to hit his chest but he didn't stop. He pumped in and out luckily not enough to pop my cherry before I could get my words out. "Stop!"

He groaned before pulling out. He continued to lean over me and all I could smell was the alcohol on his breath. The only thing I could feel was the tip of his dick sliding against my ass cheek, making me cringe. And the only thing I could see was the shadow of his body looking over me.

* * *

><p>I had forced myself to sleep after that. When I woke up we went our separate ways. Well he hugged me when he left. Piece of shit. I told Carmen I was going to walk home so I quickly left. When I got home I immediately went to the shower and turned it on as hot as it would go. I got in and sat on my ass as the scolding hot water ran down my back. I sat there in a daze as tears fell from my eyes. That wasn't supposed to happen. Was it my fault for letting it go that far? I told him I didn't want to have sex. Why didn't he listen to me? I could faintly hear sobs and that's when I realized they were my own, and they were only getting louder.<p>

Then came a knock at the door, but I didn't acknowledge it. "Spencer? Is everything okay?" It was my moms voice. I just continued to sob even harder. I guess I forgot to lock the door because the next thing I knew, the shower curtain was pulled back and my mom was turning the water off.

"Spencer! That water is burning hot and your back is bright red! What is wrong?" She wrapped a towel around me before pulling me out of the tub.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed as I held on to her. Thankfully she wrapped the towel around me or this might be awkward later.

"Sorry for what?" She asked as she ran her fingers through my damp hair.

"I told him I didn't want to—he did it anyway." I could feel her body tense as I clung to her as my body trembled from how hard I was crying.

A moment later she wrapped her arms around me as tight as she could. "You were raped." It was more of a statement than a question.

"We're gonna get you through this honey." That was the plan.

* * *

><p>EVERYONE:So yeah, that was it. My mom didn't find out that way. I was supposed to be going out of town and I was throwing up so much while I was at the airport and she asked if I was pregnant and I said I wasn't sure. I lost service on my phone so I ended up calling her on a payphone and it cost like 30 dollars. She made me fly back home after I told her what happened. I wasn't pregnant I just got a stomach virus. Thank god. Like I said it might be hard for you guys to read that since it's true but imagine trying to write it. It is a big part of this story so just keep it in mind.<p>

Tbplrbear1: Thanks so much! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint too much. Don't worry the Ashley and Aiden won't last and I'll just give you a heads up they won't even be together next chapter. Thanks for the review and for taking interest in my story!


	5. Turning Tables

Hey everyone! Well I'm kind of bummed out. I think I lost a lot of my fans from my one tree hill stories and it sucks. I get about one review per chapter now. I am grateful for any review I get. They encourage me to go on with the story and I miss my constant reviews such as baley fo life and rain among so many others. I hope you guys can let me know what you think. As you know it's really hard for me to write this stuff. It brings me into a really bad place and it's really hard to get out of that place once I get there. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Love ya'll.

P.S. If anyone wants to experience this the way I intended, then listen to turning tables as you read it. I had it on repeat if that helps.

* * *

><p>Thankfully my mom let me skip school for a couple of days. I didn't tell her who the guy was. I didn't want to press charges. I felt like it was my fault that it happened and I didn't want any attention put on me. I got a few texts from Ashley asking if I was okay and where I was at but I just deleted them. I wasn't ready to talk about it and I wasn't sure if I ever would be. It was time to go back to school and I wasn't sure if I was ready for this or not. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were lifeless and I felt dead inside. I sighed as I combed my hair, before walking out and heading to school.<p>

Each class seemed as dull as the next. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I just sat there, silent. Even if my teacher asked me a question I just turned my head and ignored them. I didn't eat lunch so I just sat on the bathroom floor that was furthest away from the cafeteria so no one would come in. What has my life come to?

As I got into fourth hour I remembered my worst nightmare. He sat there joking around with his buddies like he hadn't completely ruined someone's life. I took a deep breath as I took a seat but I could feel myself shaking. I wanted to cry, I wanted to punch him, anything. I couldn't be here. The bell rang and it caused me to jump at the sound. It caused people to glance at me and I could feel myself shaking.

"Ms. Carlin is everything okay?" Is everything okay? Is wanting to die okay? Is thinking about different ways to kill yourself okay? No, I wasn't okay.

"Nothing's okay." I whispered shakily as I got up from where I was sitting and walked out of the classroom. I got as far as I could before I fell to my knees and cried. I cried everything there was to cry. I sat back on my ass and ducked my face between my legs as I sobbed. I could feel myself shaking as I sat there.

Before I knew it a hand touched my shoulder and I jumped. "Don't fucking touch me!" I screamed as I stumbled back away from the figure. I couldn't see who it was through my blurry eyesight from crying.

"Spencer, it's me." I could hear her soothing voice before I actually cleared my eyesight. I sniffled as I wiped my eyes. I felt embarrassed to let her see me like this.

"Please just go, Ash." I mumbled as I crossed my arms on my knees and laid my head down.

"You're coming with me." She replied as she grabbed my arm causing me to flinch. She stopped and I looked up into her eyes and I could see the fear and confusion. She didn't understand what was wrong with me. Honestly, neither did I.

"You don't have to act like you care now." I said as I looked her straight in the eyes. I could see the pained expression on her face and it almost made me feel bad.

"You know I fucking care about you." Tears built up in her eyes before she squatted down and ran her hand up and down my arm. She slowly pulled me into her embrace, and I sighed at her scent that always soothed me when we used to cuddle at night.

_Who knew I'd be so awake now? I just couldn't get comfortable. I contemplated snuggling up to her but I didn't want to freak her out. To hell with it, might as well. I acted as if I was asleep and threw my arm over her side. She pulled my arm closer so that my front was pressed against her back, causing me to smile. Now I was comfortable, I thought as I slowly drifted off to sleep._

"Please come with me." She whispered as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I nodded without a response before I allowed her to pull me to my feet and walk me to her car. We left school without going to our last period and I stared out the window the entire time. I felt her hand grab mine and she laced our fingers. "Please don't break my heart again." I whispered to myself, thinking she wouldn't hear me.

"I won't baby." She replied. I still didn't look at her but the tears built back up into my eyes and streamed down my face.

* * *

><p>We pulled into her driveway, before she led me up to her room. She pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt for me to wear. She laid me back as she began to remove my clothes.<p>

_I tense up, causing him to notice. "Don't worry. We don't have to have sex. Just go along with it."_

"Please stop." I whimpered causing her to stop her actions and look up at me. "I don't want to." I could feel myself shaking again as I sobbed. She finished pulling up my shorts and had already changed my shirt when I started panicking.

"Baby, I stopped. You're okay. I've got you, baby." She mumbled against my hair as she held me. "God, please tell me. Tell me what happened to you. It's killing me." I could tell she was crying from the sound in her voice.

"I told him, Ashley." I sobbed out as I clenched her shirt in my fist and sobbed against her chest as she laid me down on the bed with her.

"Told him what, baby?" She asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"I told him I—ddidn't want to have s-sex. He didn't listen to me." Her body froze against me before she jumped up and I lost her sense of security.

"No. No, no, no. When did this happen?" She asked as she paced the room. I could feel my anxiety building up and I began scratching my arm.

"After the party the other night." I whispered as I continued scratching my arm.

"You mean the party where I came to check on you? The one where I didn't make you come with me? The one where I saw you all over David and I left even though I knew that he is known for forcing himself onto girls?" She was slowly yelling and before I knew it, she took her lamp and sent it crashing into a wall.

"Ashley, please stop. It's not your fault. It's mine." I sobbed causing her to focus back on me. She raced over me and took my face into her hands.

"This is not your fault! I'll fucking kill him." She growled causing me to whimper. She took a deep breath before looking down at my arm. She quickly caught my wrist and pulled it away from my arm. I had scratched a line on my wrist raw and it had started bleeding. She walked into her bathroom before coming back out with peroxide and a bandage. She poured it onto my wrist before placing a bandage on my arm. She set the peroxide on the table next to her bed.

"You're staying with me tonight." She stated before grabbing my phone out of my purse and began texting someone. "I text your mom and told her."

"What about Aiden?" I asked with a raspy voice. All of this crying had taken a toll on me.

"Don't worry about him. We broke up."

"Why?" I asked as I laid back and she lay down next to me.

"Because I need you in my life and if he can't see that then he doesn't need to be in mine."

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Hey, look at me." I looked into her eyes and saw sincerity. "This is not your fault. It was my decision." I nodded as a few hot tears strayed down my face. I figured I would be all cried out by now.

She placed her hand on my face before wiping the tear with her thumb. "I love you, baby." She whispered before pressing her lips to mine. This was new. This has never happened before, but her lips have never made me feel safer. They were soft and gentle. She pulled me into her body as we kissed.

As we pulled away she ran her hand over my cheek. "Promise you won't ever desert me. I need you, Ash."

"I will never leave you, Spencer." She promised before pulling me in for another kiss. We spent the rest of the night holding each other and sharing kisses.

_"Stop!" He groaned before pulling out. He continued to lean over me and all I could smell was the alcohol on his breath._

"Stop!" I yelled as I jolted up in a panic. "Please stop!" I felt arms wrap around me as I realized a familiar voice was calling my name. She slowly pulled me into her embrace before laying us back down. She intertwined our legs as ran her hands around my back in a circular motion.

"It's okay baby. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'll never hurt you." I nodded as tears fell down my cheeks as I silently cried.

"How can you stand to touch me? I'm disgusting."

"You're not disgusting. You're beautiful. So beautiful." Her lips pressed against mine and we fell back into our rhythm that we were in, earlier in the night.

"I love you Ashley." I whispered as she wiped away my tears. I have never hurt so much in my entire life. She was the one person that could possibly save me.

"I love you too Spencer. You mean everything to me." She whispered back. She will never know what these kisses and exchanges of 'I love you's' mean to me. I don't think I would ever have the guts to tell her either.

* * *

><p>tbplrbear1: Thanks. It doesn't really matter if you have dealt with the same specific thing or not. We all have our struggles that we deal with in life. It helps to have a friend. Yeah its pretty much real. At least some of the scenarios are. I have tweaked a few things except for the actual rape scene. I have to make some things different for ash and spencer and so you guys will enjoy it. Thanks for the support!<p> 


	6. Broken

I awoke to warmth surrounding me. Ashley had her arms wrapped around my back and her legs were wrapped around mine. I was laying on her with my head on her chest. I could feel her breath on the top of my head as she slept. Her make- up was smeared from crying and her lips were slightly swollen from kissing. I can guarantee I look the same way. It had been a rough night. I kept waking up from a nightmare and she would have to calm me back down. Her alarm clock went off causing her to growl as she sought out to stop it without removing herself from me. I grew tired of watching her attempt to reach it so I rolled over and shut it off. I guess she didn't realize I had been awake considering she jumped when I rolled over. I looked into her eyes and I could see fear. That wasn't like her. She was a strong person and nothing scared her.

"How are you doing?" She whispered huskily. We were both extremely tired from being up all night.

"I could be doing better." I replied as I snuggled my face into her neck. She dragged her fingertips up and down my back, causing me to shiver. "Thank You."

"For what?" She asked as she lifted my chin up so I could look her in the eyes.

"For helping me and staying up with me most of the night. I don't know what I would have done without you." I whispered as tears built up in my eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" She said harshly as she gripped onto me tightly.

"I've just had a lot of bad thoughts going through my head and I feel safe with you. Like I don't feel like I have to end anything. You make me feel like I can get past this."

"Baby, please don't ever think you have to end your life. You are beautiful and amazing. I will help you get through this. I love you so much." I cried as she said this and she pressed her lips against mine.

I can't quite honestly tell you how I feel about our relationship. As far as I know, I have never been interested in girls. I mean yeah I have thought they are pretty but I never thought I would want to be with one. The way she makes me feel safe and loved—I just can't even describe how it makes me feel. To make things worse, I know she loves me but she could never be in love with me. She loves Aiden. I'm just her friend that she is trying to help. What friends kiss like this? Her lips are molding with mine as we speak and her fingers are running through my hair. I guess she likes to be affectionate but it's messing with my mind and with everything I've just gone through, I'm not sure if I can handle it.

I feel a tear escape my eye and land on her face, causing her to pull back. She wipes the tear off of my face before she runs her thumb over my cheek.

"I wish I could make it all stop for you." She whispered causing me to slightly smile.

"I wish you could too." I paused as I gazed into her eyes and could see love and concern. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why do you care about me?"

"You're my best friend. Even though we haven't known each other a long time, you make me smile and you make me laugh. I can trust you and I know you care about me. I love you, Spencer. I really do."

I burst into tears as I pulled away from her. I was shaking uncontrollably as I sobbed and hid my face in my arms. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around me but I pulled away from her touch.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she tried to get me to let her touch me but I wouldn't allow it. It made my heart hurt so much more.

"I can't tell you." I replied as I continued to sob.

"Spencer, please let me hold you." She asked and I could tell I was hurting her.

"I can't let you." I replied as my sobs decreased, and I was softly crying as I tried to wipe away my tears.

"Please tell me why. Don't shut me out!" She was begging now and it killed me to hear the hurt in her voice. I sat back against the wall at the top of the bed as I stared off into space.

"I can't tell you why Ashley. You'll leave me forever." I whispered as I continued to stare off at the wall on the other side of the room.

"I'll never leave you. I swear on my dad, I will not do it." I looked at her in confusion. Her dad is a big part of her life. He may be gone on tour a lot but she loves him with everything she has. I have never heard her swear on him before. "Just please tell me."

"I love you." I whispered.

She looked at me in confusion as she nodded, "I love you too, Spencer. You know that."

"No. I'm—in love with you." I replied as my voice cracked. She froze as she thought about what I had just said.

"You're in love with me?" I nodded in response.

"I'll just go." I got up and walked out of the room, leaving her speechless. I knew this was going to happen. She fucking hates me now. Who can blame her? I'm a freak. Who could ever love a girl who was emotionally damaged from being raped? I wanted to fucking die and never have to feel the pain I was currently feeling. I ran out of her house as fast as my shaky legs would take me.

* * *

><p>My thoughts were in overdrive as I kept going as long as I could without stopping. My lungs were hurting from how hard I was breathing and my legs felt like they were going to fall off as I kept going. I guess I didn't remember that my house was a ten minute drive from her house to mine. I finally made it to my house and ran through the front door.<p>

"Spencer!" My mom yelled as I ran up the stairs.

"I can't talk right now." I yelled back as I made it to my door and went into my room. I slammed my door shut and locked it.

I walked over to my bed before collapsing on it. How could everything have gone so wrong? My life was pretty ordinary back in Ohio. I had decent friends, good grades, no drama. Since I've moved here, I've fallen in love with a girl who could never love me, I was raped, I have missed a lot of school, and I currently have scabs on my wrists from scratching. What did I do to deserve this? Is it because I like Ashley? Do I deserve this for falling in love with her? I turn on my dock that had my ipod on it and changed the song with the remote, before setting it on repeat. Tears ran down my face as I closed my eyes and listened.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
>I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away<br>I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well  
>I wanna hold you high and steal your pain<p>

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
>And I don't feel right when you're gone away<p>

You're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
>I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away<br>There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
>I wanna hold you high and steal your pain<p>

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
>And I don't feel like I am strong enough<br>'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
>And I don't feel right when you're gone away<p>

You're gone away  
>You don't feel me here anymore<p>

When I opened my eyes I realized what I was doing. I had a pair of scissors that were in my drawer, pressed into my arm. There was a trickle of blood that ran down my arm. I lifted up my t shirt and placed the scissors against my stomach. I could end this. Right here and right now. I would never have to hurt again. I pressed hard into my skin causing the scissors to rip through my flesh. I closed my eyes and the first image that came to mind was Ashley. I could see her smiling with her perfect teeth as she crinkled her nose.

I pulled the scissors away from my skin and threw them on the night stand. Why does everything have to be so fucked up? I grabbed some tissues and cleaned up the blood on my arm and stomach before tossing it in the trash can next to my bed. I buried my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

><p>I awoke to a hand running through my hair. It was so soft and I swear I could smell Ashley. I hate that my dreams haunt me.<p>

I opened my eyes and realized I wasn't dreaming. There she was, sitting next to me as she ran her fingers through my hair. She looked so beautiful as the moonlight lit up her face.

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain. 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone away." She sang along as the song had once again restarted.

I rolled over so I was completely laying on my back as I looked at her.

"Oh fuck." She whispered harshly as she looked at my arm. I quickly grabbed my shirt to make sure it was pulled down on the way and realized it was. I felt relieved for a moment before realized she knew what I was doing and pulled my shirt up. She winced as she looked at the cut in my stomach. Luckily I didn't push the scissors in too far. It had already begun to scab over so it was bleeding as bad as it was.

"Promise you'll never do this again." She whispered huskily as tears fell down her cheeks.

"I don't make promises I can't keep." I replied with no emotion even though it hurt to see her cry.

"Please Spencer?" I couldn't handle bringing her anymore pain so I nodded but didn't reply.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm in love with you too." She replied so quiet, that I almost didn't catch it. My heart fluttered causing me to gasp.

"You do?"

"I'm so in love with you that it hurts." She leaned over me before pressing her lips into mine. I had never felt better in my entire life, and I almost ended it minutes before.

"Why did you do that to yourself?" She asked after she pulled away.

"I wanted to die." I replied honestly.

"I can't live without you Spencer."

"I can't live without you either."

She laid down next to me before entwining our fingers. She pressed her lips back into mine as we spent the rest of the night kissing and holding each other.

She told me she loved me. I could do make it through this.

* * *

><p>The song in this chapter is Broken by Seether. I was so happy to see all of these reviews! they seriously keep me going. I'd probably just end this if I didn't have you guys!<p>

rain1657: You already know how much I depend on your reviews. They keep me going. I agree on the ashley thing. She is very involved with spencer and so i had to make her rush in and help spencer. I hope you like this next chapter.

Jess: thanks so much. I hope you like this next chapter too! thanks for the review.

tbplrbear1: Paula won't be as caring as you'll think. I'll explain more as this continues. Thank you for saying that. Its taken alot out of me to overcome all of this so it feels good to hear someone tell me that i'me brave. Thanks for the review!

IM GAY SO WHAT: I just needed to get everything out so it was easier to write it and just change certain parts. It was extremely difficult to do but i knew it would help me in the long run just to see who else has gone through the same thing. I hope this maybe helped you in some may and i hate to see that you've gone through the same thing. Hopefully this will help other girls who have gone through this as well. thanks for the review!

kamariacr: Thank you so much! I appreciate the review.


	7. First Step Moving Forward

You guys don't know how much I loved all of the reviews I got! They made me smile! I hope you guys are enjoying the story and I'm doing my best to keep up with the updates.

* * *

><p>I woke back up to see Ashley lying beside me. I had my arm over her waist and her arm was wrapped around my shoulders. I knew I had to go to school today or I would fail. I sigh as I look over to the window that was currently open. I guess that's how she got in. I look back over and see her nose crinkled as she slept. She must be dreaming about something. She looked so sexy in her panties and her tank top. She had rid her clothes before we went to sleep. Is it awful that I want to ravish her? I must be all kinds of fucked up. Someone can destroy my life by raping me yet I am having lustful thoughts about someone. Don't get me wrong, I know that there is no way I am ready to have sex but that doesn't mean I wouldn't mind doing stuff to her. Is that fucked up? Probably. I run my hand over her stomach and softly pull the fabric of her tank top up so I can see her exposed abs. Fuck they are sexy. I lean down and place a soft kiss on her abs, but wince at the pain from the cut in my stomach. I lean back up to take the pressure off before placing my hand on her thigh. I let it slide up and reach her inner thigh before rubbing soft circles. I was getting wet just thinking about what I could do to her. I leaned up to her neck and softly started sucking, causing her to whimper in her sleep. I cupped my hand on her most sensitive area causing her to gasp out.<p>

"Fuck Spence." She mumbled out, as she woke up. I couldn't tell if she really was awake considering my lips were still latched onto her neck but she was moving her hips up to my hand.

"You look so fucking sexy in your panties and your tank top." I mumbled against her neck. I could feel her heat radiating out of her underwear and they began to feel damp as she tried to get more friction.

"Oh god, Spencer. You make me so wet when you talk like that." She whimpered out as her hips bucked into my hand.

I ran my hand under the waistband of her underwear and rubbed over the lips of her pussy. This was the first time I had ever touched a girl there and it made me flood. She was shaven clean and the lips were slick from how wet she was. I ran my fingers inbetween her folds causing her to moan loudly.

"You feel so good." I whispered into her ear causing her to groan. I started rubbing faster causing her to buck her hips to get a pace going with me. I pressed my lips into hers in a bruising kiss as I kept up the speed.

Before she could adjust, I shoved a finger in her causing her to scream against my lips. I'm pretty positive I muffled the noise but if not. Well I could care less. My mom and dad should already be gone for work so the only people who would hear are my brothers and I have heard them screwing to many girls for me to give a shit.

"Faster Spencer." I guess I zoned out and I was barely pushing into her. I quickly refocused and sped my pace and thrust harder. Her hand gripped my right breast as she rocked with me and she softly squeezed it causing me to moan. Her other hand found my hair and began pulling on it.

"Cum for me, Ashley." I whispered before she pulled hard and shook as she came all over my hand.

We slowly kissed as she tried to recover from her intense orgasm. She rolled me over so that she was pressed into my side. She ran her fingers to the waistband of my shorts but I quickly stopped her hand and pulled away from the kiss.

"I'm not ready." I said quickly to explain why I had stopped her. How is okay that I fuck her senseless but I fall apart if she tries to touch me?

"I understand. I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking."

"It's okay. I just—"I sighed and looked away in frustration.

"Talk to me baby." She whispered in response.

"I'm a fucking mess. It's okay for me to get horny and want to fuck you but I freak out if you try to touch me."

"Baby, you're not a mess. It's okay to get horny even though that happened to you. Its natural instincts and you can't stop it. But I do understand that you are not ready to be touched. You got that taken away from you and I can wait until you're ready."

I looked back at her and smiled at the concern in her eyes, "You're always making me feel better."

"Well, I love you."

I smiled but quickly groaned in frustration as I felt the ache in between my legs. I think she could tell what was wrong because a soft giggle escaped her lips.

"What if I pressed my knee against you? Would that be okay?" I contemplated her question for a minute. I don't think that would bother me. I wouldn't think it would but as fucked up as I am, who knows.

"We could try." I whispered shakily. She nodded before softly pressing her lips against mine. I sighed into the kiss. It calmed me down but I was still throbbing. I felt her raise her knee and I got a little nervous and she could tell so she ran her fingers through my hair. She pressed her knee into my center causing me to gasp. All fears were thrown out the window as she rubbed her knee against my center and I was even hornier. I moaned as I rocked against her knee and I felt a warm bubbly feeling rise in my lower area. I could tell I was on the edge and one more thrust from her knee, caused me to groan into her lips as I came. It was the best feeling in the world. I wrapped my arms around her as she kissed my neck as I came down from my high.

"I love you with all of my heart."

"I love you too, baby." She replied before molding our lips back together. That was our first step forward.

* * *

><p>After Ashley helped me get a bandage on my stomach and my arm we got dressed and headed downstairs.<p>

"What the hell were you doing up there Spencer? Watching a porno?" Glen asked as I grabbed a pop tart for Ashley to eat. My cheeks turned crimson and I looked away in shame.

"Shut the fuck up Glen." I mumbled as I handed her the food.

"Ew were you really? You're disgusting!" He yelled before falling into a fit of laughter.

"Shut the fuck up! I wasn't watching a porno!" I screamed before pushing him out of his chair and sending him to the ground.

"Jeeze Spence. I was just kidding. No need to get embarrassed about your porn. We all watch it." I was so angry by then that tears were flooding my face.

Ashley grabbed my shoulder and pulled me behind her so that she was facing Glen. "Leave her the fuck alone or so help me god I will rip your dick off and make you eat it!" I had never seen Ashley so mad and it made me feel a little better to see the look on Glen's face.

"Wait a minute!" Glen started as he got back in his chair, "If you were up there with her then- you guys were fucking? That's disgusting Spencer! You probably got one of her STDs that she got from fucking all of LA." He spat at me causing me to see red. I pushed past Ashley and socked him right in the nose causing blood to spurt out.

"Fuck! You broke my nose! I'm telling mom!"

"I don't give a shit!" I yelled before storming out of the house. Ashley followed me out and unlocked her car so I could get in. More tears poured down my face and I began shaking from how upset I was. "I hate him!"

"I know baby but you've gotta calm down." She replied as she pulled me in her embrace and tried to soothe me.

"I can't believe he would say something like that about you." I replied as I continued to shake. My heart was beating so fast that I could barely breathe.

"It's okay, I've been called worse." She laughed as she ran her hand up and down my back.

"It's not okay! Fuck, I can't breathe." I gasped for air as I pulled away from her and started hyperventilating.

"Baby, take some deep breaths."

I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly as I tried to calm down. After I regained my composure Ashley started the car and began driving towards the school.

* * *

><p>It was a quiet ride and I could tell something was on her mind. She's probably thinking I'm a fucking nut case. I started scratching my arm but she quickly noticed and pulled my hand away before lacing our fingers so I couldn't do it again. She sighed as she continued driving and it made me feel awful. I know it's my fault she's upset.<p>

"What's wrong?" I hesitantly asked her causing to glance at me before biting her lower lip.

"I think—I think you should see a therapist." She replied as she pulled into the school parking lot and put the car in park.

"You think I'm crazy." It was more of a statement then a question.

"No baby I don't. I do think it would help you get everything out of your system and I think you have an anxiety problem." I nodded but didn't respond as I looked out the window and watched all of the normal kids going on with their lives.

"Hey—look at me." I looked back at her and she gave me a small smile. "I love you no matter what and I'll go with you to every appointment."

"You will?"

"I promise."

"Okay. Can you find me someone?" I asked causing her to nod.

"I'll look into it after school and set up an appointment."

"He's going to tell my mom about us." I whispered in reference to Glen telling my mom about me and Ashley having sex.

"Are you okay with that?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know how she'll take it."

"If she's a good mom then she will love you no matter what."

"I'm just not ready for the world to know." I replied softly as I looked back out the window.

"We don't have to do act like a couple in public until you're ready."

I give her a small smile and nod. "Thanks." I lean in and give her a quick kiss before we head inside for class.

* * *

><p>Rain1657: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't want to be so easy cus no relationship is perfect. I hope I portrayed that in a good way. Im getting a bit tired of the angst considering I've moved on a lot from all of the stuff I went through so I might speed up the story to get out of the bad parts. Thanks for your feeback!<p>

Tbplrbear1: I feel like Ashley is going to be Spencers big support throughout it all. My best friend was my everything and she helped me through every step and bigger feelings came from it. Spencer will be Ashleys anchor soon enough. Thanks for the review!

: I know I love amy lee! And I just found out that they came out with a new cd! I was soo excited. Thanks for the review!

Ophelie: I'm honestly excited that your French! I didn't know I would get French fans! Haha! Thanks for the review!

Crashspike22: Thanks! I feel like it's easy to put it out there considering I went through it so Im glad you like it. I missed your reviews! I hope your writing is going well.

IM GAY SO WHAT:I know how you feel. I can remember it like it was yesterday even though it is only 6 months for me. I'm so touched that I am helping you with your incident and I am glad that I am the one that is helping you get past it and not think about it as much. It does get easier everyday even if I do think about it once a day. Unfortunately just like Spencer in the story, I scratched my wrists and have scars so I have to look at them every day. Hopefully they will fade one day just like the pain will fade one day. Im touched that I am helping you write again. Good luck!


	8. Pills, Fights, And Sleepless Nights

It was really hard to sit through my first three classes without Ashley. I was anxious and sick to my stomach as I was alone and thought about Glen telling my mom about me and Ashley and having to go to a therapist. I looked down at my wrists and stared at the scabs. It made me feel even sicker just looking at what my life has come to. I reached down and started picking at the scab. I ripped it all the way down the line and did the other two scabs the same way. I watched the blood pour from my wrist as I sat there in a daze.

"Oh my god Spencer are you okay?" A girl that I didn't even know her name asked me.

I could feel myself sweating and I felt like I was going to throw up as everyone watched me. "Spencer, do you need a nurse?" My teacher asked as she stood up from her desk.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked before walking out of the classroom. I walked as fast as I could to the restroom before emptying my stomach into the toilet. I walked back out to the sink before running my arm under the water. It stung but I didn't acknowledge it. I watched as the blood flowed down the sink. I heard the door open up as I grabbed a paper towel and pressed it against my arm.

"You okay, Spence?" I looked up and saw Carmen standing behind me. "Damn. What happened to your arm?"

"Nothing—just anxiety." I replied as I looked away in embarrassment.

"I've got something for that. My doctor prescribes me Xanax. He doesn't give me a very high dosage so I started buying them off the street." She reached into her purse and pulled out little white bars before handing me five of them. "Take one now and don't take the other until later. If you need more just come find me." She walked back out of the bathroom, leaving me standing there staring at the pills in my hand.

I popped one in my mouth and drank some water before heading to lunch after the bell rang. I knew Ashley would be looking for me and I'm sure she already heard what happened. I sighed as I sat down at our usual table. I felt a body quickly sit down next to me and a hand was placed on my thigh under the table.

"I heard what happened. Are you okay?" The familiar raspy voice asked me. I just wasn't up for her caring at the moment. I'm always doing something wrong and someone always has to ask if I'm okay. Do they ever think 'hey, maybe she's not okay' and leave me the fuck alone? Not a chance.

"I'm fine." I replied coldly without looking at her.

"You don't seem fine." She replied causing me to laugh.

"Well then maybe I'm not." I spat back causing her to flinch.

I could feel the pill kicking in and I was too relaxed to give a shit about anything or anyone. Not even her.

"Baby, please tell me what's going on?" She asked quietly and I could tell she was about to cry from her voice.

"Maybe I'm just tired of telling people what's wrong. Maybe I just want to be left the fuck alone." I replied with a laugh as I shook my head. Is that seriously too much to ask for? I think I deserve it after what I've been through. I felt all tingly inside and I just wanted to go lay down and take a nap and not have to worry about being bothered.

"You're shutting me out." She whispered as her voice cracked.

"I'm glad you've caught on." I laid my head down and tried to shut everything out.

"Something's different about you."

I quickly leaned up and glared at her. "Maybe I'm just fucking sick and tired of every fucking person asking me if I'm okay. Obviously if I'm not acting okay then I'm not okay!" I screamed before getting up and walking towards Glen.

"Give me your keys."

"You punch me in the nose this morning and you expect me to let you drive my car?"

"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING KEYS!" I had the whole lunch room looking at me now. Glen rolled his eyes before handing over the keys. I stormed out and went straight home to take a nap.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, when I got home my mother was there. I tried to walk straight up to my room but she stopped me.<p>

"Glen had to come up to the hospital this morning so I could set his nose back into place." She spoke with an icy glare.

"I'm sad that you succeeded." I replied with no emotion.

"Spencer I know you have a lot going on right now and I've been trying to give you space but you can't just punch your brother in the nose because he pissed you off."

"He disrespected Ashley!" It was hard for me to argue considering the Xanax was making me mellow out but that started a fire in me.

"Well he told me to ask you what he said to you that made you so mad." I was going to make up a lie but she quickly cut me off. "He also said that if you didn't tell me the truth then he was going to." That fucking prick! I barely want to live at this point and he is going to make things worse for me?

"He—he heard me and Ashley this morning." I spoke softly with tears building up in my eyes.

"What were you guys doing?" My mother asked in a stern voice.

"Having sex." I whispered. Anger flashed across her face and she slammed her hand against the wall causing me to jump.

"You are forbidden to ever see her again!" She yelled cause anger to boil up inside of me.

"Fuck you." I spat at her causing her eyes to widen. I've rarely talked back to my mom and even when I do I immediately apologize, but not this time. "I'm leaving and there's nothing you can do to stop me." I turned to walk to the door but her arm quickly jerked me back towards her. I lost my balance and fell, banging my head on the hallway table. I could feel blood trickling down my face but I got myself up as fast as I could.

"Oh my god, Spencer, are you okay?"

"Will you people stop asking me that?" I screamed before pushing her away from me and running to the front door. I swung the door open before running as fast and as far as my legs would take me.

I felt my phone vibrate causing me to pull it out. I had two texts from Ashley and one from my mom.

_Please come back. You might have a concussion.- Mom_

_I'm sorry I upset you.- Ash_

_Please don't shut me out. I love you so much.- Ash_

I sighed before texting my mom back.

_I'd rather die than be without Ashley. You can't keep me from her._

I sent a text to Ashley after the one to my mom.

_Please come get me. I'm at Golden Park.- Spence _

I sat down on a swing as I tried to clear my head. I pulled out another white bar from my pocket before popping it into my mouth. I didn't have anything to drink so I had to swallow it dry. I felt my phone vibrate causing me to look down.

_Be there in ten.- Ash_

As I sat there for about nine minutes I could feel the pill working again. I was calm and just wanted to lay down. My head was throbbing and I could feel my bangs stuck on the dry blood on my forehead. I slowly lowered myself to the ground and closed my eyes.

* * *

><p>"Spencer!" I could feel something hitting my face but I didn't want to wake up. "Spencer please wake up!"<p>

"I don't wanna." I mumbled. She began shaking me causing me to open my eyes.

"You hit your head on something. You shouldn't be sleeping." She spoke as she pulled me up so that I was laying with my back against her chest.

"Ash, my mom knows. She told me I wasn't allowed to ever see you again." I turned to look at her and tears were slowly making their way down her face. "I told her to fuck off and that she couldn't keep me away from you and that I would rather die than live without you."

She gave me a small smile as she tried to wipe her tears away.

"Move in with me." She whispered as she pulled my bangs away from the blood on my forehead.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. Did she do this to you?" She asked as she looked at the wound.

I nodded, "Not on purpose. She tried to keep me from leaving and when she jerked me back I fell."

"I wish I would have been there to protect you."

"I'm okay now. Can we just go to your house?"

"Of course we can." She pulled me up and led me to her car. I wanted to call her place my home.

* * *

><p>After we made it to her house she gave me a shirt and shorts to change into. She got a damp washcloth and tried to get the blood off my forehead the best that she could without hurting me. I laid down on her bed and closed my eyes. I felt so out of it from the bars I took. I felt like I was just floating there and hopefully no one would catch me and trap me. It took me a minute to realize there were lips pressed into mine. I opened my eyes and realized Ashley was on top of me and her lips were moving against mine. I also realized tears were running down her cheeks.<p>

I pushed her away and wiped the tears off her face, "What's wrong?"

She took a deep breath and wiped her face as if to wipe any tears left, "I just—seeing you on the ground with blood coming from your forehead. I thought I lost you forever."

I really take her for granted sometimes. All she did was care about me and I treated her like complete shit earlier.

"I'm sorry about today." I whispered as I looked away. She ran her hand across my cheek before turning me to face her.

"What are you on?" Oh shit. How does she know?

"What are you talking about?" I tried to play it off but she saw right through me.

"Don't lie to me Spencer. Do you think I'm stupid? I used to take Xanax and Tabs all of the time. I smoked a lot of weed too, so you really can't bullshit me."

I sigh as I play with the bottom of her shirt. There's no way of getting out of this. "Xanax." I whispered causing her to sigh.

"Who gave it to you?" She asked. I really don't want Carmen to get hurt over this. She was trying to help me out.

"I can't tell you, Ashley."

"Do you love me Spencer?" How can she ask me that or use that against me for that matter.

"Of course I do. With everything I have."

"Then who was it?"

"Carmen."

"That's all I needed to know." She rolled on to her side so that she was turned away from me. I really couldn't handle the cold shoulder from her right now. I slid my hand over her waist and pulled her into me as I rest my head in the crook of her neck.

"I love you baby. I won't take them again."

She rolled over and placed her hand on my cheek, "I just worry about you."

"It's just hard going to school every day and having to see him. Now my mom is doing this bullshit. It just stresses me out and those bars calmed me down."

"I'll be fine with you taking bars as long as you don't take too many and this is just a short term thing, okay?"

I nodded before pressing my lips into hers. Every time she kissed me I felt special again. When she acted like she cared about me, it made me feel like I matter. I don't know how I could repay her for making me feel that way but I would try.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah baby?"

"If for some reason we don't make it through this, just know I am so grateful for you trying to help me. I wish I knew how to repay you."

Her hand slid over my neck as her thumb caressed my cheek. "Spencer, we will make it through this. You will make it through this and I will be there every step of the way. You repay me every time I see you smile and every time you say I love you. It lets me know we are one step farther out of the darkness."

"I wish I could make love to you like normal people." I sigh in frustration but she gives me a small smile before running her hand over my hip and pulling me into her.

"We will when the time is right. I want you to be completely ready so you can give it all to me. Until then, I will be perfectly fine with lots and lots of kissing." Before I could respond she pressed her lips into mine. We made out until we were too tired and slowly fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

><p>So I know a lot of this stuff is repetitive. It's what Spencer deals with all the time and she is slowly getting better or maybe even worse. We'll be getting out of this repetitive stuff soon and on to new drama. Sorry it's taken so long. I just moved and don't have internet anymore but I just started to pick up my neighbors wifi!<p>

Sonfan91X: Haha sounds like you need to get to work! Thanks for the review. It's a bit hard talking about all of this stuff but I know it makes the story more dramatic. I'm glad your reading now!

Rain1657: I guess I couldn't make it past the angst. Haha. Hopefully within the next chapter or two things will get a bit lighter with just a few fallouts. Thanks for the input!

Stephybearx: Thanks you don't know how much that means to me. Im glad I have so many people willing to help me on fanfiction. And for your to say my story is beautiful put a huge smile on my face! Thanks so much!

Im gay so what: I cant believe your ex would do something like that. So shitty. Just know you didn't deserve that whatsoever. Im glad your getting stronger. Always have faith in yourself when no one else will. I tell myself that all the time.


	9. U Smile

Sorry about the long long wait. I really wanna get back into the habit of writing. I've finally got passed a lot of shit that's happened in my life. Let's just get on with the story.

* * *

><p>It had been over a week since I left my parents' house. I had snuck in the next night and took as much clothes and personal belongings that I could. Ashley insisted on buying whatever I couldn't bring with us. I went to school like normal and got called out of the principal's office almost every day, but every time I saw my mom sitting in there I would just go back to class. I was currently sitting in my last period with Ashley. I had taken a xanax and I was currently zoned out. A note was thrown onto my desk. I unfolded it before peering inside.<p>

_How many have you taken today? _

I sighed as I wrote down _3_ on the paper and handed it back to her. She quickly scribbled something down before tossing it back.

_You know I'm just worried about you. Please don't take anymore today. I love you._

I licked my lips as I wrote back to her. _Okay I won't. I love you too._ I tossed the note back before the intercom came on.

"We need Spencer Carlin down to the principal's office." I growled as I grabbed my books and threw them in my bag. I felt a hand grab mine before I could walk away. I looked over to see Ashley and her eyes instantly calmed me.

"If she's there just come back." She whispered before rubbing her thumb over my hand.

I nodded before walking out.

* * *

><p>I quickly walked into the principal's office and noticed she wasn't sitting there. I took a sigh of relief and sat across from the principal as she gave me a cold stare.<p>

"Ms. Carlin, I have called you in my office all week. I'm not doing it for the fun of it."

"I'm glad you noticed that I won't come in here if my mother is in here." I replied just as coldly.

"Well she has yet to explain to me why she needs to see you. All she has told me is that you won't come home. I thought I'd hear your side before I alerted the authorities."

"Would you go home if your mom yanked you so hard that you fell into the hallway table and all you could feel was blood running down your head?"

Her eyes softened and she softened her tone, "No I don't think I would. I have gotten a few comments from your teachers. Seems as though you have had a couple of meltdowns in class and you also were bleeding from your wrist. I would have talked to you sooner if you would have ever shown up to my office."

"Nothing gets passed you Mrs. White." I turned my wrists so that she couldn't see them before looking down at the floor.

"Spencer?" I looked up to actually see worry in her eyes. "What's going on with you? If you don't tell me then I can't help."

"I can't tell you. You'll tell the cops." I replied as tears sprung to my eyes.

"If I promise that this will stay between us then will you tell me? I will try to help you the best way that I can."

For some reason it felt like I could trust her, like she actually wanted to help me. "I was raped. Don't ask me by who because I'm not saying. I have to sit in a class with him every day and it makes me want to kill myself just having to look at his disgusting face. I also found out that I'm in love with a girl and that my mother hates me for it. Hence the reason I got jerked into a hallway table. She's very religious." I could feel the tears streaming down my face but I couldn't stop it if I tried.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Spencer. Dealing with that kind of trauma can lead to the feeling of wanting to be with a girl. It makes you scared of men and when a girl can comfort you then it may cause you to feel a love for her."

"I'm not in love with her just because I was raped. I was in love with her before that, I just didn't say anything until after it happened. You don't need to try to make me think otherwise because it's not going to happen." I replied harshly causing her to nod.

"When do you turn 18?"

"In 3 weeks." I barely got out before the bell rang, signaling that the school day was over. I could tell she was trying to wrap up this conversation so we could leave.

"I won't report this to the authorities. If your mom decides to she can have you brought back home since you are a minor. I suggest you try to wait it out and hope that she doesn't report you missing in the meantime. As for your class with him, I want you to let the counselor know which class it is and I will have her switch you out of there. If anyone asks we did not have this conversation."

I nod my head in understanding before getting up. I guess she really does care about me. "Thank you Mrs. White. I really appreciate it." I turn to leave but she quickly stops me.

"Ms. Carlin?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"I want you to go see a therapist for all of this. I think it might help."

"I already planned on it." She nodded and let me leave.

* * *

><p>I walked down to the parking lot and found Ashley waiting outside of her car for me. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and she ran to me before pulling me into a hug.<p>

"I've texted you like fifteen times. I was so worried that your mom took you."

"She can't take me from you." I whispered as I ran my fingers through her hair. We quickly got into her car so that we wouldn't be seen. Her windows were tinted really dark that it made it impossible to see in if the top was up. I immediately pressed my lips against her to reassure her that I was okay.

After we pulled apart she put the car in drive and headed towards her house. "So what happened?"

"Mrs. White wanted to know what was going on so I told her everything. She is getting me out of that class and she told me to try to ride this out so that hopefully my mom doesn't report me missing otherwise she can't help me if they want to come get me since I'm a minor."

She quickly laced our fingers as she drove. "Don't worry baby. Just three more weeks and we won't have to worry about her anymore."

"What if she reports me missing?" I ask as I start to feel the panic build up. I can feel my anxiety rising and my xanax is wearing off. I reach down to grab the pills out from the place I stashed them in her car but she looked at me and shook her head. I sigh as I lean back and grip my jeans. Knowing that I can't have them makes it worse.

"Then we run away."

We pull up to her house and quickly walk up to her bedroom before I crash into her bed. I still can't calm down from the anxiety attack and I begin to scratch my thighs. My wrists are already scabbed up so I have to find a new place to scratch. Before I can do any damage, my hands are pulled away as she laces our fingers and place my hands onto the pillow above my head. I breathe in her scent and it helps calm me a bit. I lean my head up and press my lips against her neck as I breathe in her scent.

"Let go of it all, Spence." She whispered in my ear causing me to sigh out the anxiety. She lowers herself down so that she's cuddled into my side with her leg wrapped around my waist. I have never felt more content then we are cuddling.

"Did you call the therapist?" I asked quietly trying not to ruin the moment.

"Yes. You have an appointment tomorrow at 4:30. I'll take you after school."

I look up and I can see worry in her eyes and I know it's mostly my fault. "Thank you, Ashley. You don't know how much it means to me to have you here to help me through all of this."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She presses her lips against mine and we fall into a familiar rhythm.

I start thinking about everything that has been going on. What if my mom does report me as a runaway? What if she sends me off to a school really far away? I can't live without Ashley. I would crumble without her and something terrible would happen, I'm sure of it. Ashley can sense me starting to tense up and pulls back from the kiss. My hands start to shake causing me to grip on to her shirt before burying my face in her neck.

"Everything will be okay, Spence. I promise. Do you have faith in me?"

I look up at her as my whole body starts to shake. "Y-yes." I stutter as I grip harder onto her shirt, pulling myself as close to her as possible.

"Then believe me when I say that I won't let anything happen to you. I know I didn't protect you from him but I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that it won't happen again and your mom won't take you from me."

"I l-love you Ash- ashley." I replied as she wrapped her arms tight around my waist.

"I love you too, baby."

* * *

><p>It was after the therapist appointment and I was a fucking mess. I had cried multiple times but Ashley held my hand throughout it all. They had let her sit with me but she had to sign some release form. The therapist made me try different techniques to get rid of the stress. I also had to tell her exactly what happened that night which caused an anxiety attack. The only difference was that Ashley and the therapist stared at me the whole time so I couldn't scratch. It killed me. I went a different route to try to help and bit my hand until it left teeth indentions. I can't tell if these appointments are going to help me or make things worse.<p>

We are currently on our way back to Ashley's house and I was turned away from Ashley, staring out the window. Ashley plugged up her phone to the stereo and turned on a song. It was Justin Bieber's song U Smile. She began to sing along with it causing me to look at her with tears in my eyes. I knew she hated Justin Bieber but she was trying to cheer me up.

"Cus baby when you smile, I smile." She belted out causing me to let out a soft laugh as I wiped away the tears. She reached over and laced our fingers as she finished off the song. I had to admit she was looking pretty sexy. She had on tight jeans with a rocker tee. She had her normal curly hair and that sexy ed hardy perfume that I loved so much. She was leaned back in the seat with one hand on the wheel and the other holding my hand.

I can't wait for the day that I can let her touch me. I know it will be the best feeling in the world.

As we pulled up to the street of her mansion I heard her mumble, "Fuck." I looked up and saw two cop cars in her driveway along with my mother's car. I wanted to scream, but I stayed silent.

"What do we do, Ashley?" I whispered with fear coating my voice.

"We run."

* * *

><p>I know the chapter isn't long but I wanted to get something out. For those who have never expirienced scratching, please dont start. You will get in such a bad habit that it builds up your anxiety if you cant dont it. I still have scars and it's really embarassing. I love all of my readers and I really hope to hear from everyone soon.<p> 


	10. I Just Need You To

I felt my whole body tense up as her icy blue eyes locked with mine. "Ash-" I mumbled out as the panic rose.

"Ash, go! She saw me!" I yelled causing her to slam her foot on the gas. I watched as my mom pointed at our car and the cops raced to their car. She can't take me. I promised Ashley. I could feel the tears stream down my face as I reached for my pills and popped two.

"You said you wouldn't." She said quietly as she tried to drive away as fast as we could.

I glanced at her with shame, "I'm sorry. No more for today."

"It doesn't matter, you already did it."

I wiped my tears away as I nodded. "Ashley, the cops are chasing us along with my mother. I can't handle you being mad at me too." I whispered as my heart hurt.

She sighed as she reached for my hand and laced our fingers. "Baby, I'm not mad. I'm just worried about you."

"I'll be fine just—" Before I could finish my sentence I was being slammed into the dashboard. A cop had cut us off and Ashley had slammed on her breaks and spun us off the road to avoid hitting him. We slammed into a ditch and I could feel myself flying forward towards the windshield but a pair of arms grasped me and yanked me back. Everything happened so fast that I wasn't sure exactly what had happened.

I placed a hand to my forehead as I felt blood trickle down. "Oh god." I mumbled as the pain began to sink in. "Ash, are you okay?" I asked as I tried to get the blood to stop. She didn't say anything so I turned to her, "Ash?"

Her body was lifeless as her head was laying against the smashed driver's window. She had busted her lip and she had blood coming down from her hair where I'm assuming she hit her head. God, please don't let her be dead. I placed my fingers on her wrist and felt a light pulse. I burst into sobs as I lightly shook her.

"Baby, please wake up." No response. I wanted to die. "Please, please, please. I need you!" I screamed causing her eyes to flutter. She groaned as she rubbed her head.

"Oh thank you god!" I cried out before pulling her into my arms. I felt something grab my arms and yank me back.

"No! Ashley!" I screamed as the cop's drug me out of the car. She tried to grab me as fast as she could but it was too late. They had already handcuffed her.

"Honey, we're going home now." My mother said as she walked up to me. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You almost got me killed! Nothing is ever going to be okay." I screamed as the tears poured from my eyes. I could feel my heart breaking into two.

"This 'thing' you have with her will pass honey. I'll get you help." She said as she tried to touch my shoulder but I shrugged her off.

"It's not a thing, mom! I love her! And I don't need or want your help." I yelled again before glancing at Ashley. They were trying to get her into the cop car but she was resisting. The blood was smeared across her forehead and her mascara was running down her cheeks with her tears. How was I supposed to go three weeks without her? I can't handle a day without her let alone that much time.

"I love you, Ashley." I yelled causing more tears to spill from both of us.

"It's going to be okay, Spence." I needed to hear her say it. What if I never got to hear it again?

"Say it!" She knew why I wanted her to say it and she shook her head furiously.

"I will when I see you again."

"Ashley, please." I begged her as they shoved her in the car. My mom huffed as she grabbed my arm and yanked me towards the care but I kept my eyes on Ashley.

"I love you too baby." She replied with hurt in her voice. I cried silently as my mother dragged me towards her car.

* * *

><p>"I hate you." I whispered to her as we drove back to my former home.<p>

"I know you don't mean that, Spencer. You're just upset right now but you will thank me later."

Rage boiled in my body and I had never been so angry in my entire life. "Thank you for what? For ruining my life by taking away the one thing I love? For making feel like the scum of your shoe because of my love for a girl? I will NEVER thank you. Hell, I don't I will ever forgive you."

"We'll finish this conversation at home. Obviously you can't talk reasonably right now."

I shake my head at the stupidity. I have never wanted to punch anyone in the face more than I do right now, and she's my mother.

* * *

><p>As soon as we got to the house I bolted inside and ran straight into my dad who wrapped his arms around me.<p>

"Whoa, honey. Why are you in such a rush?" He has asked he pulled me back to look at me. "Spencer, what happened to your head?"

"I hate her dad. She's trying to take everything away from me!" I screamed out as I held onto him to protect myself from her.

"Who is?"

"Mom!" About that time my mother had walked in and was shaking her head.

"I didn't do anything, Arthur. She's over reacting."

"Dad I love her and mom took me away from her!" I cried as I pressed my face into his chest. He held me as he tried to sooth me.

"You're going to have to slow down and explain to me what you are talking about."

"Ashley. Daddy, I love her. I'm in love with her and mom took me away from her and forbid me to see her. She had the cops after us and we almost died cus they caused us to wreck." I rambled out as I kept trying to calm myself down but it wasn't working. I needed my Xanax, bad.

"You're in love with Ashley?" I pulled back and looked at him before nodding slowly.

"Then what's the problem, Paula?"

I saw the anger in her eyes when she realized my dad was on my side. "It's just not right Arthur!"

He looked at me with sympathy. "Spence, go to your room. I need to talk to your mom."

I nodded before walking upstairs and past clay's bedroom and then Glen's. Glen's door was open so I peered in and received a glare.

"Why in the hell can't you be normal? We wouldn't be having to listen to them fight."

"I'm sorry." I whispered before running to my room and slamming my door. I jumped into my bed and sobbed into my pillows. My body ached and my heart was hurting. I felt my phone vibrate and realized that I still had my phone. I could still talk to her. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that I had one message from Ashley.

_Baby, if you have your phone then please text me. I need to know you're okay. I love you with everything I have. If Paula took this phone then rot in hell._

I quickly text her telling her to call me and within seconds my phone was going off. I hit answer and pressed the phone to my ear and could hear soft breathing on the other end.

"I love you." I whispered as I wiped the continuous tears off my face.

"I love you too." She whispered back huskily. The sound of her voice soothed me. I needed her touch as well.

"I can't do this without you." I glanced at the drawer that contained the scissors that I cut myself with.

"Don't even think about it, Spencer. I'm going to get you back. Some way or another, I will. Don't lose faith in me." I sighed as I nodded in response even though she couldn't hear me.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs causing me to panic. "Baby, I have to go. Love you."

She knew what was going on and told me she loved me too before I hung up. I should the phone in my pillowcase before lying on my back.

There was a soft knock before my dad stepped in my room and sat on the bed next to me. "How are you, sweetie."

"Miserable." I replied as I sniffled.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know what was going on. I've been so caught up in work. You know, your mom told me you were at church camp and that's why you haven't been at home. I didn't even take time to think that you're still in school and that you wouldn't be at camp." He shook his head as he looked at the floor.

"Daddy it's okay."

"It's not okay, Spencer. You shouldn't have to run away from your home." I could tell he was angry at himself and my mom. Was he mad at me?

"Do you hate me?"

He looked up at me and frowned, "Why would I hate you?"

"Because I love a girl."

"I love you unconditionally. You can't help who you love." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb before pulling me into a hug.

"But mom hates me." I whispered.

"She doesn't hate you. She just- confused. Give her time, I won't let her treat you like that again."

"Thanks daddy."

"You're welcome sweetie. You know if you ever need to talk, I'm right here." I nodded before placing a kiss on his cheek. I laid back down on the bed before closing my eyes. I was more tired than I realized.

* * *

><p>I woke up to a tap on my window. It sounded like a rock was being thrown at it. It couldn't be her. I jumped up and ran to the window to see that beautiful face looking up at me. Her eyes widened in shock as she saw me. She lifted up a sign, causing me to squint to read it.<p>

'_We're running!'_ I knew she'd rescue me. I grabbed my cellphone out from my pillow case before sneaking out of my room. When I went to walk past Glen's bedroom he opened the door.

"What are you doing?" He whispered harshly. I think he could tell I was terrified and the expression on his face softened.

"I'm leaving. Please don't tell, Glen." I could tell he was contemplating it. He gave me a soft nod before shutting his door. I tip toed down the stairs and saw my dad sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. I hate doing this to him but I know I have to. I opened the front door before slowly exiting it.

I took off down the drive way and leaped into Ashley's arms. I wrapped my legs around her waist and she easily held me up as she placed kiss on my neck. I leaned back before pressing my lips against hers.

"I missed those lips." I mumbled against her. "But we have to go before they realize I'm gone."

She nodded as I unwrapped my legs and let go of her. I looked at her lambo and shook my head at her. "You would already have a different car."

"Yeah and we better hurry up and get in it before your mom has me wrecking another car." She said with a small smile before opening my door for me. I hurriedly got in and put my seatbelt on as Ashley got in and started it. We took off quickly escaping the danger zone.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I grabbed her hand and put in in my lap before lacing our fingers.

"Wherever this road takes us."

I nodded silently, as I looked out the window." I was really scared today when I saw your body lying there lifeless. I thought I'd never get to kiss those lips of yours again." I whispered causing her to squeeze my thigh.

"I'm not going anywhere. Like I told you, have faith in me."

I looked over and she gave me her Davies smile that melts my heart. I pulled her hand up and pressed my lips against it. "Why don't you rest, we'll be at a hotel soon." I nod before raising the center console. I scoot over and lay my head on her lap, causing her to run her fingers through my hair.

"It's gonna be okay."

After getting to the hotel we each took a turn in the shower. After I got out I went and sat down next to her. She had packed us some clothes so I changed into the pajamas she got for me. She grabbed my hand and sat me down in front of her as she ran a brush through my wet hair.

I leaned back into the front of her and closed my eyes. "I want to live this moment forever." I whispered peacefully.

She placed a kiss on my neck as she agreed. The sensation felt so good. I wanted more.

I turned around and laid myself on the bed before pulling her on top of me. I pressed my lips against hers and fell into a familiar rhythm.

Her right hand was placed on my hip as she ran circles into my hip. Her tongue slid into my mouth causing our tongues to swirl together. I couldn't get enough of her.

"Baby," I whispered causing her to stop.

"Yeah?

"Touch me." She froze as she looked me in the eyes with a little worry.

"Are you sure?"

"Ashley, I want you to touch me."

* * *

><p>Sorry I shouldn't have cut off the best part! Don't hate me! I've come to realize I don't need a bunch of reviews for my story. I'm doing this story for me and I'm just glad I helped at least one person out.<p>

Rain1657: I hope this chapter was okay! I can't tell if I rushed it or not. I tried to let it flow but I wanted to get the chapter done. Thanks for being an amazing friend to me!

Crashspike22:Thanks for the support. I'm doing okay. Hope you liked this chapter.


	11. Save Me

Omg! You guys don't even realize how much your reviews meant to me. They honestly inspire me to keep going regardless of whether I'm writing this for me or for other people. I hope I have helped someone in my own way just by writing this story. P.s. this chapter is definitely rated m. enjoy! Oh and the song is 'Save me' by nicki minaj. You should definitely give it a listen.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure?"<p>

"Ashley, I want you to touch me." I whispered as I caressed her cheek as she looked unsure at me.

"You don't know how much I want to, but Spence, we're in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere. I want that moment to be special for you, for us." God I can't even explain how much I love her right now. She is always trying to protect me.

"Baby, you don't know how much I love you for saying that but no matter where we are or whatever the circumstances may be it will be special for me. I love you and this is what I want." A lone tear fell down her cheek as she softly nodded. I kissed the tear away before pressing my lips to hers.

We found ourselves in a passionate kiss and I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted to feel her skin against mine. I began to pull her shirt up and she helped me by removing it the rest of the way. She unclasped her bra causing my eyes to go wide.

"You are so beautiful." I whispered causing a light red tint to her cheeks. I never really see her blush so it felt good to know that I could do that to her.

"So are you." She whispered back before pulling my shirt up and I leaned up so she could take it off. She reached around my back and unsnapped my bra so that we were only in our jeans. We quickly pulled them off and found ourselves completely naked after removing our underwear.

I saw her eyes go dark even in the dark lighting we were in as she eyed my body hungrily. She ran her fingers down my body as she pressed her lips back into mine with a fever. I was finding myself completely turned on when she would bite my bottom lip and then soothe it with her tongue. I placed my hands on her hips before pulling her into me so that are centers were moving together causing us both to let out a loud moan. I felt her fingers slowly trail down my stomach until they were in between our bodies. I unintentionally tensed up as I knew what was about to happen.

She placed a soft kiss on my temple as she ran her fingers through my folds and rubbed my clit causing me to shudder.

"That feels so fucking good." I groaned causing her to let out a husky laugh.

"I was hoping you'd say that." She whispered causing me to gasp as she quickened her pace.

"Babe you're gonna have to slow down or this is gonna end a whole lot faster then I want it to." I mumbled out causing her to chuckle before slowing the pace down.

Her fingers slowly traced my entrance causing a slight worry to build up. I know she'll protect me. I can let her do this. It's what I want.

"You sure?"

I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but love and protection. I nodded slowly, still a bit uneasy.

Her fingers began to slide into my entrance cause me to inhale sharply. "Are you okay?"

I nodded quickly without saying anything. She began pumping her finger in and out of me with a slow steady pace. It didn't take long for the thought of her fingers in me to turn me on. I began bucking my hips up causing her to go a little faster. She kissed my cheek, my neck, down my chest, and continued down my stomach until she met her destination. She placed a firm kiss on my clit cause my hips to buck up into her face. Her tongue snaked out and ran up and down the length of my center as she continued to pump her fingers in and out of me. My chest was heaving heavily as I ran my fingers through her curly hair and gripped it. I couldn't stop the moans and pants from escaping my lips and it encouraged her to keep up the pace.

I could feel the heat building up in my lower stomach and I knew I was close.

"Baby, I'm gonna cum." I groaned out. "Oh fuck, Ashley."

I moaned out the loudest I had the entire time as I came. My fingers were still clenching her hair as she lapped up what I had left to give. She finished cleaning me up as I released her and she made her way back up to me.

"You're so amazing." I panted out as she laced our fingers and placed them above my head. She placed tender kisses on my neck before leaning close to my ear.

"The way you pulled my hair and moaned out my name was so fucking sexy." She whispered huskily causing me to shudder.

I leaned my head and softly bit her neck causing her to moan. I used this to my advantage and quickly flipped us over. I raked my fingers down her tight, flat abs causing them to tense and flex under my touch.

"I love your dark curly hair. I love your smoldering brown eyes. I love your sexy abs. I love that sexy grin of yours along with those perfect lips." I said as I quickly entered her with my fingers causing her to gasp out. "And I love how wet you are for me." I whispered out the last part as I quickly sped up my pace.

"Spencer!" She groaned out before I slammed my lips into hers. I could already feel her walls tightening around my fingers and I knew she was close.

"Are you gonna cum for me, Ashley? Are you gonna cum all over my hand for me?" I had never been like this before and I could tell she enjoyed every bit of it as she mumbled yes before biting her lower lips to keep from screaming.

"Don't hold it in, baby."

"Ahhh fuck!" She screamed out as her wet heat covered my hand. I smirked at her as she tried to recover.

After her breathing began to calm down she ran her fingers through my hair. "I have never seen you like that before."

"I guess you bring out the naughty side of me." I replied with a soft giggle.

"I'll take it." I slowly pressed my lips against hers and enjoyed the feel of her lips against mine.

"You know we can't run for three weeks. We both have school." I said with a sad smile.

"I know." She replied with a sigh. "I just want to stare into those beautiful blue eyes for as long as I can and know that I can protect you."

"As much as I wish you could, you can't always protect me."

"I know, but I can try." I smiled at her, still leaning over her. Her hair was tousled and she had a few small bite marks. I couldn't help but feel so lucky to finally be with someone I was actually in love with.

"Ash?" There's something that I have always wanted to ask her and I feel like I finally can.

"Yeah baby?" She asked with that beautiful smile displayed on her face.

"Why did you go back to Aiden?" Her smile quickly disappeared and she looked away from me. I felt a slight pang in my heart.

"You can tell me." I whispered as I tilted her chin so that she was looking at me again.

"Because I love him." Ouch. "He was safe and I knew how we worked but then you showed up and I started feeling things that I never felt before. I was scared and I had never been in love before so I ran back to him. That's why I avoided you. I didn't know how to handle my feelings for you, especially since I wasn't sure if you liked girls or not."

I contemplated her answer before nodding. "But why did you leave him again?"

She looked up at the ceiling and I could see tears building up in her eyes. I pulled myself up and wrapped a sheet around me so I wasn't on full display as I laced our fingers and waited for her response.

"The day that I found you in the hallway on the floor sobbing made me realize that I can't not be in your life. You are mine to protect. You were so broken and I hated myself for not being there to prevent what had happened to you, even if I hadn't known what it was at the time." She looked over at me causing a few tears to fall down the side of her cheek. "I have to be honest with you, Spencer. I didn't break up with him until you fell asleep. I was just so worried about you and he was the last thing on my mind. I'm sorry I lied to you."

"It's okay, we're together now. Just so you know, I don't like girls I only love you." I whispered my confession to her. Her knowing that bit of information could potentially break my heart and that scared me to death. It'd be one thing if she left me and I could find any other girl and not care but I didn't have feelings for other girls. Sure I find them attractive but I have never had the same feelings for them as I do for her. Then there's the option for guys but I have never really found them to be someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not like Ashley.

"I know you've heard I've slept with a lot of girls and it's true but I never felt the same thing that I have felt with you, Spencer. I just can't even imagine not having you in my life anymore."

I smiled at her before giving her a quick kiss. She gave me the sexiest grin that I love. "Do you know how sexy your grin is?"

"Do you know how hungry I am?"

"Vending machines?"

"Defintely."

* * *

><p>We spent the next day driving back to town. I was scared to say the least and I really wasn't sure what was going to happen to me. I knew my dad would protect me, he promised. Sadly, me and Ashley were going to be spending a whole lot less time together.<p>

"Do you know how much it's going to suck not being able to sleep together every night?" I whined as I watched the different stores we passed.

"We could always have Skype sex." She replied with a wiggle of her eyes.

I scoffed as I slapped her leg. "That is NOT what I meant."

"I know, baby. I'm just playing. Only three week's right?" She glanced at me with uncertainty on her face. "This is gonna be the longest three weeks of my life."

"We will make it work." I replied with certainty.

She looked at me with a smile as she laced our fingers, "I'm proud of you."

"For what?"

"You've been trying to be more confident and happy and you're doing a good job."

"I wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for you." I replied with a smile before pressing her hand to my lips.

"Baby will you sing to me like you did the day after my counseling? It calmed me." I asked as I could see that we were getting closer to my house.

"Sure." She replied before hooking her phone up to the auxiliary cord and looked for a song before deciding on one.

"I drove for miles  
>Just to find<br>You and find myself  
>All these screams<br>All these voices  
>In my head<br>You gave me strength  
>Gave me hope<br>For a lifetime  
>I never was satisfied" Her voice was so calming and beautiful. I would listen to her over Nicki Minaj any day.<p>

"This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up<br>This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up<p>

It's not your fault  
>I'm a bitch<br>I'm a monster  
>Yes I'm a beast<br>And I feast  
>When I conquer<br>But I'm alone  
>On my throne<br>All these riches  
>I came this way<br>All this way  
>Just to say hey" Her hand sought mine out as she laced our fingers as she sang to me. I rolled the window down and let the wind blow through my hair as my skin soaked up the sun. I hadn't felt this alive in a long time. Well since last night. I smiled at the thought of that.<p>

"This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up<br>This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up<p>

I'm givin up baby  
>I'm givin up baby<br>(feels like I've been driven for miles)  
>I'm givin up baby<br>(and I can't seem to silence these voices in my head)  
>This time won't you save me<br>(please save me)  
>This time won't you save me<br>(please save me)" We pull up to my house and my smile faded as I realized it was time to go back to real life. I looked at my house and sighed as the song came to an end. I looked over at Ashley as she finished up the song.

"This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up<br>This time won't you save me  
>This time won't you save me<br>Baby I can feel myself givin up  
>Givin up"<p>

I gave her a genuine smile as I placed a hand on her cheek. "I'll save you any day. It's about time I repay the favor." I told her with a small laugh.

"I know you would save me if I needed you too." She rubbed her cheek into my hand before placing her hand on the back of my neck and pulling me into a kiss. Our lips melded together into that familiar rhythm that I never could seem to get enough of.

"Three weeks and then you'll move in with me permanently?"

"Of course I will. I just can't run from this anymore. You mean too much to me to have to hide and she's going to know that."

"You'll do great, baby." She whispered before giving me one last peck. I took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out. I could do this for me and for us.

* * *

><p>"She told you that you'd realize what a mistake this was?" I was in bed talking on the phone with Ashley. If only I was with her in person, but I'd take what I could get.<p>

"Yeah and then my dad pretty much told her to shut the hell up." I giggled at the last part. I was so happy to have my dad on my side. It changed a lot.

"Was he mad that you ran away?"

"No. He just told me that he understood why I did it but he hoped that it doesn't happen again and that he would make sure she doesn't make me feel unwelcome again."

She suddenly got quiet and all I could hear was her breathing. "Ash?"

"Sorry. I'm just upset that you are going through all of this because of me." I gripped my pillow because she wasn't there for me to touch or hug.

"Baby, when everything slows down we can say that we are stronger for it and I will finally get what I want. That's all that matters."

"I hate not getting to kiss you." She whispered and I could tell that she was tearing up.

"I do too. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow." It's the only thing I had to look forward to.

* * *

><p>Everyone: How was that? It had sexiness, humor, drama, and compassion all in one! Hope you guys liked it.<p>

IM GAY SO WHAT: I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope this one was just as good. Thanks for the review!

Rain1657: Im so glad you liked it! As long as you don't punch the screen we're good! Then you wouldn't get to read at all. Haha. I didn't end this with a cliffhanger! I hope you liked it and that I took enough time on each scene.

Jayjayxo: I'm so glad you found my story! It means so much to know that its an inspiration to you. I hope you like this chapter as well.

Ffreviews: Spencer is finding courage inside her that she didn't have before. I guess the fact that she is so close to losing the one thing she loves can do that to a person. Thanks so much for the review!

Iamafallendarkangel: In the end maybe things will come together. Or things will blow to pieces. Guess we'll see. Thanks for the review!

Inviziblinc: It definitely has gotten me past those certain events. I just like to know what people have to say about it and if they have any ideas or suggestions then Id love to know. Thanks for reviewing!


	12. Happy Birthday?

The last few weeks had been awful. Only seeing Ashley at school wasn't enough and the fact that we couldn't even kiss in front of anyone made it worse. She would kiss me before school and once after school before either Glen took me home or my dad picked me up. My mother and I quit speaking since the therapist incident. She hired some guy to "fix" me and my dad told her if she did it again then he was kicking her out. Glen and Clay have been distant from me. Glen blames me for the fighting and Clay just wants to avoid conflict. To say I've felt alone is an understatement. I wake up and call Ashley, meet Ashley at school, go to my classes and think about Ashley until I see her again, make out with Ashley until someone picks me up, avoid everyone except my dad at home, call Ashley before I fall asleep.

I think it's pretty obvious I'm moving out and the only person I feel bad for is my dad. We used to be so close and he's been protecting me these last few weeks. He told me I could go hang out with Ashley whenever I wanted but my mom wouldn't have it and would argue with me until I agreed to stay home each night. Well screw her because today's the day. I'm officially eighteen. I have never been so happy in my entire life. I began packing last night after everyone went to sleep. I'm a little scared to move out. I will be supporting myself and I refuse to let Ashley pay for everything even though I know she'll fight with me about it. Speaking of Ashley, my phone is lighting up to let me know she's calling. I grab the phone and hit answer and smile when I hear her beautiful husky voice.

"Happy birthday baby!"

"Thanks baby." I reply as put on some shorts and a t shirt.

"I can't wait until you see your present!" Oh lord. I can't imagine what this will cost.

"You know that moving in with you is the best present you could ever give me, right?" I could already see her rolling her eyes at me.

"Okay well then you're getting two presents and there will be no arguing because I already bought it."

"Fine. I can't wait until I get to sleep in your arms again. These last few weeks have been hell and I've missed you so much."

"Me too. I'll come get you around noon that way you can spend a couple of hours with your dad."

"Okay well let's get this over with. As much as I will miss my dad, I could care less what my mother has to say to me."

"I know babe. Call me when you're ready. I love you."

I told Ashley I loved her before hanging up the phone. I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair. I had spent most of the night packing and I was feeling the exhaustion from it. I didn't plan on taking too much, just my clothes and a few things that I wanted, but waiting until everyone fell asleep caused for very little sleep for myself. I was not looking forward to how my mom was going to react. Lord knows she's going to throw a fit but if I want to do this then I might as well deal with it now.

I take a deep breath before walking down stairs to an aroma of food. My dad clearly outdid his self with my favorite chocolate chip pancakes and fried potatoes.

"Good morning." I say quietly as I find everyone in the kitchen making their selves a plate.

"Good morning hunny." My dad says before pulling me into a hug which follows a hug from my mom.

A present is sitting where I usually sit so I take a seat and begin opening it. It's a cross necklace and a bible. I wonder who this could be from? I shake my head before sliding it away. Of course I believe in god and love him but I know what she's trying to do and I'm not having it.

"You don't like it Spence?" She is giving me that cold stare like she's trying to prove a point or something.

"What do you think? I know what you're trying to do and you are not going to mark me or make me feel bad with my decision. Speaking of, I'm leaving after breakfast. Ashley is coming to get me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Spencer. I'm just trying to remind you of your values and—"

"You mean YOUR values? My values are that I believe two people who are in love can be together no matter what their gender." We are clearly having a stare down and I can almost see the fumes coming from her ears. I feel bad for the rest of my family. They are clearly uncomfortable in the room full of tension.

"Paula!" We all jump at the outburst from my father. Glen rolls his eyes before jumping up and walking off and Clay follows.

"Arthur it's just not—"

"I am sick and tired of this! Spencer is allowed to be whoever she wants to be. She is eighteen years old. Whoever she decides to date is her decision and not yours!" He slams his fist down on the table causing me to jump again. I have never seen him so angry.

"Whatever Spencer If you want to go sleep with some trashy girl then by all means, but don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart. Be home by curfew." She begins to walk away but now my temper has flared and I'm about to break the best news in the world and she can shove it up her ass for all I care.

"Actually, as dad was saying, I'm eighteen years old now. I can do whatever I want." I give her a smirk as she turns around and I can tell she is beyond pissed.

"Not under my roof, you can't!"

"That's the thing." I stand up and scoot my chair in before walking over to her. "I'm moving in with Ashley and there's nothing you can do about it." Smack! I feel the sting in my face and tears instantly form in my eyes. I place a hand over my cheek before glaring at her.

"Get out." We both freeze at my father's words, not knowing who he was talking to. He's looking at my mom. Oh shit!

"Arthur she provoked me! You can't be—"

"I am dead serious! Until you decide to be the mother the kids need you to be and the wife I thought I loved, you can get the hell out of my house."

This is the first time I have ever seen her cry throughout this whole ordeal. I actually kind of felt bad for her. "I'll be back for my stuff later." She grabs her keys and walks out the door.

"Daddy I'm so sorry." I whisper as I look at the defeat on his face.

"It's not your fault Spencer. I should have put an end to this at the beginning." He pulled me into a hug before running his fingers over my cheek where I was slapped. "Let's get you some ice and then I'll help you move."

* * *

><p>I can't believe I'm actually out of that house. I called Ashley and she helped me and my dad get my belongings out. I feel awful leaving my dad to deal with everything but I know there was nothing I could do. I didn't say much to Ashley on the way to her house. She held my hand and helped me move my stuff up to her room. For once I actually felt like I could be comfortable. So here we are lying on her bed and I'm wrapped up in her arms. The TV is on but I can't focus on it. I just keep replaying the day's events in my head.<p>

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ashley asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I sighed before nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck. Thank god Ashley let me have a Xanax when we got here or my anxiety would be awful.

"It got bad." I whispered. "She was screaming at me and then she slapped me. I hate her Ash." I can feel her tense up when I say she slapped me. She knows as well I do that it doesn't matter anymore cus I will never have to deal with her again. "My dad kicked her out."

"Seriously?" She sat up pulling me up with her.

"Yeah. Clay and Glen are going to hate me more than they already do." She gives me an apologetic face before pulling me in for a kiss. I will never get enough of these. To know that I can do this whenever I want almost makes me not care about the destruction that I have caused.

She pulls back before biting her lip as she looks at me. "I know you blame yourself but you have to know it's not your fault. I'm sorry but your mom is a psychotic bitch and she needs to realize that. If you decided to be the person she wanted then you would have been unhappy for the rest of your life and you would have resented her. Maybe one day she will realize how selfish and hateful she has been and will try to make amends." I contemplate everything she has said but my brain is too fuzzy from the Xanax to try to form a reply so I just nod. She gives me a look that I don't understand.

"That was your last Xanax." She states plainly.

"Okay? I'll just get some more from Carmen." I reply logically.

"I told her not to sell to you anymore." I feel anger boil up inside me and I pull away from her.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"You live with me now. You don't have to put up with your mom anymore so you don't need them." I jump before I pace the room.

"Baby—I just—I need them. Okay so let's just go to Carmen's please."

"You sound addicted to them, Spencer." There was no emotion in her voice and I look over to see her staring at me with a disapproving look.

"It's not even like that- I just need them." I am completely desperate at this point. "Please?" I beg her as I walk over the bed and grab her hand.

"No." As soon as the word leaves her lips my other hand collides into the headboard behind her. I don't stop to look at the expression on her face before I jump up to leave.

"Spence don't leave!" She yells causing me to spin around.

"Fuck you!" I seethe as I turn the doorknob. "Go back to fucking Aiden for all I care, you trashy slut." I open the door and slam it behind me. I take off running down the stairs and see a car key on the table. I grab it before running outside and hit the lock button to see which car it is. A black cobalt beeps and I can't say I have ever seen it before. I jump in the car and quickly start it as Ashley comes running outside. I throw it in reverse before peeling out and driving off. I can feel my Xanax wearing off and I begin to panic. Ashley usually gives me two sometimes three a day. Before I know it I'm in front of Carmen's house.

I run to the door and bang over and over until she opens the door. "Carmen I need more."

"I can't anymore Spencer. Ashley threatened me and I'm not putting up with that shit so you can just go." She slams the door in my face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I feel like I'm suffocating as I walk back to the car and get in. I have never wanted it so bad and now I can't have it. I drive slowly trying to calm myself down.

* * *

><p>I end up at the park where I ran to after my mom and I got into an argument and I feel into the table. After I park I look down to see a picture of Ashley and against the glass where the speedometer is. I've never seen her in this car before so I'm a little confused. I shake it off and get out before walking over to the swing and sitting down. I can feel myself shaking and I try to take deep breaths. I can't believe this shit. How could she fucking cut me off like that? I just need it. I just need it. I need it? Oh my god. I'm addicted. How could I be addicted? How could I let it get so bad.<p>

I feel panic build up inside me at the thought of what I said to her. How could I do that to her? After everything she has helped me through. It's then whenever I can hear myself sobbing. I fall down to my knees on the dirt and I sob. I'm a fucking idiot. I sit there and I wait. I wait until I'm sober because Ashley doesn't deserve to see the way I have been acting. She is too good for that.

I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath after I realize it's out of my system. I get up and go back to the car before making my way back to her house. I slowly open the door to her house before making my way up to her room. I have to try to apologize. I open her door and my breath catches in my throat. I didn't mean it when I told her to go fuck Aiden but her she is wrapped up in his arms. How could she? What I did was completely wrong but the first thing she does is go to Aiden?

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Aiden jumps at my voice and Ashley breaks away from him. Her mascara is smeared under her eyes from crying and I really wish I wasn't the cause of them.

Fuck me right?

* * *

><p>I am sooooo sorry for the delay! I've been super busy. I will try harder to update faster. Please forgive me!<p>

IM GAY SO WHAT: Trust is a big thing for spencer to overcome. She lost all of her trust in everyone and to give in to Ashley was a big step for her. I'm so glad you are enjoying it and I'm sure this chapter may not be well liked. Thanks for the review!

Rain1657: Thank you! I'm basing it from what I felt like. I mean it took me forever to get somewhat over it and then one day it would be like boom and I felt miserable all over again. Spencer will still hit some rough patches but she has to work past it. Thanks! I hope to hear from you I miss your words.

Irishinkjunkie1024: I liked to try to put a lot of feelings in one chapter. This one was mostly anger and remorse but it'll get better and then maybe worse. Who knows? Thanks for the review!

Ffreviews:It sped up but not to what you wanted right? Ugh why does life have to be so complicated. Well thanks for the review!

EOL: I didn't ditch the story! See! I'm so sorry!


	13. One Step Closer To The Edge

They say being addicted to drugs can make you both mentally and physically ill. Your body feels like it's shutting down when you don't have the drug anymore. You can't think straight and you become angry and depressed without it. What about love? Can anyone tell me what happens when you become addicted to a person? Why I feel like I can't live without her? I feel sick to my stomach just thinking of the possibility of her not being in my life anymore. Seeing her wrapped up in Aiden's arms has never made me feel as many emotions as I have right now. I can't even process what I should do and what this could mean.

I can feel myself shutting down. Everything's becoming fuzzy and I'm losing sight of her. I can't lose her. I can't do it. Everything's black and I feel numb. Somebody save me!

"Spencer!" I can hear her but I can't see her.

"Spencer please wake up!" It sounds like she is sobbing and I want her to stop. I don't want her to cry because of me. Everything slowly comes back into view as I start to blink again. Her face scares me. She looks terrified as if she lost me forever. Maybe she has. Her arms engulf me and she strokes my hair giving me comfort.

I look past Ashley to see Aiden staring at me with a shocked expression. "Please make him leave." I whimper in her ear.

"Aiden please leave." She sounds sad which only angers me, causing me to pull away from her.

He walks out the door and shuts it behind him leaving only me and Ashley in her room. I felt scared and safe at the same time. I try to get up and Ashley helps me to her bed. I sit there and try to process everything.

"Spence, it wasn't like—"

"Stop!" I yell causing her to freeze and play with her fingers.

I look up at her with tears in my eyes and I can see the pain in her eyes as well. "Do you love him?"

"It's really not like that Spencer I just needed a friend." She whispered and I can see the guilt in her eyes.

"Do you love him?" I ask again with a little more anger.

"Not like I love you." She reaches to grab my hand but I rip it away.

"That's not good enough." I toss her keys to the car I borrowed and stand up. "We can't be together anymore." I whisper and my heart breaks in half.

"Spence, don't say that." She says through clenched teeth as tears stream down her face.

"I'm not saying it to hurt you. I just can't do this anymore."

"Why! We were so close to being happy. I finally got you away from your mom and we were gonna live together and be happy, Spencer!"

"I'm addicted to Xanax, Ashley! Not even that but I'm addicted to you! I would rather die than be without you. I hate not being near you. I feel like complete shit at the thought of you possibly loving Aiden. I destroyed my family over you! I need to piece my life back together and then my families and maybe one day I can try with you again but that can't be today." I'm shaking at this point and I literally want to kill myself. It would be so easy just to say hey let's keep doing this but it's not right. I am too far gone and I need to fix it.

She rushes over and cups my face as her breathing becomes rapid. "Spencer I need you in my life. Promise you'll still talk to me."

"I can't promise you that right now. Give me some time." I lean in and press my lips against hers. Fuck! Why does this have to kill me inside? She shoves me against the door and shoves her tongue into my mouth. I taste her one last time before pushing her away and leaving.

* * *

><p>"Daddy, I need to talk to you." I'm shaking like crazy and the tears continue to stream down my face.<p>

"Spencer, what are you doing here? I just helped you move this morning." I dive into his arms and cry into his shoulder.

"I need your help. I'm- addicted to Xanax." I didn't realize how forthcoming I would be but I guess it's the only way.

"Come sit down we need to talk." So we did. I explained the rape and how Ashley and I got together and my feelings about her. Then we got to the addiction to the pills and how I feel about everything. I guess it's nice to have your dad as a social worker sometimes.

"I'm scared. I love her so much dad, but I feel like right now I'm going to destroy myself if I stay with her. I already destroyed our family." I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.

"You haven't destroyed our family, Spencer." He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.

"How can you say that? Glen hates me, Clay avoids me, mom hates me and now you two are fighting. It's all because of me."

"You can't be afraid to be who you are. My mother wanted me to become a doctor but I refused and decided to be a social worker because I love helping people. Grandma went ballistic and said I was ruining my life but that didn't stop me. Your mother will come around I just wanted her to take a good hard look at how she has been behaving."

"I just don't understand how she could treat me like this. I know I haven't been easy lately but I can't help who I love. Shouldn't she understand that? I'm her daughter and I thought she would love me no matter what. It just hurts, you know?"

"I know." That wasn't my dad. We both turn our heads to see my mother standing in the doorway. "I'm so sorry Spencer. I just wasn't raised that way. I know it's no excuse to make you feel the way that I have but I really hope we can try to fix this." She walks over and grabs both me and my dad's hands. "As a family."

"I'd like that." I whispered before standing up and burying myself in her embrace.

So we spent most of the night discussing everything with my mom. She told me she would like me to enter a rehab program but ultimately it would be my decision. I agreed with her and decided to do the program. She called my principal and he excused my leave of absence. I spent 6 long agonizing weeks in rehab. I spent almost every single night crying myself to sleep only to wake up from a nightmare. I craved the Xanax but more than that, I craved her touch. I craved her lips. I craved her smell. I craved her.

At the end of those 6 weeks I felt better. I knew she would be my relapse as soon as I saw her but not for the drugs. I was okay with not taking them ever again. I wasn't okay with not being in her life. I don't know if that's healthy but I know I can't feel like this for the rest of my life.

* * *

><p>I knew school would be the first place I saw her and it was. I had skipped lunch knowing I wouldn't be able to avoid her there but as soon as I got to our class together, there would be nothing I could do to prevent it. I felt her gaze as soon as I stepped foot into the classroom. My therapist told me that if I wanted a relationship with her, the best thing I could do is take it one step at a time.<p>

I took my regular seat by her with Carmen on the other side of me. My anxiety was through the roof but I practiced the techniques my therapist showed me. I found a focus point in the room, my teacher, and kept my attention on it. I couldn't let myself stray or it wouldn't help.

A note was tossed on my desk from Carmen. I shouldn't read it and focus on the teacher but my curiosity got the better of me.

_How are you –C_

_Could be better- S_

_I'm sorry I got you into this mess.-C_

_I know. It's my fault too. –S_

_Friends?-C_

I'm not sure if Carmen was someone I should be friends with but I know she had good intentions.

_Only if you never bring them near me again and you've got a deal.-S_

I looked over to her after she read it and we smiled. I could probably use whatever friends I could get.

After class was over I quickly got up and made my way out of class. I knew she would follow me and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"Spencer!" I stopped and slowly turned to face her. As soon as I locked onto her chocolate eyes, all of those feelings came rushing back. I was actually shocked. She wasn't wearing make up and her attire consisted of sweat pants and a t shirt.

"Hey." I whispered as I played with my fingers.

"Hey." Her movements mirrored mine and there wasn't much I could say to her at this point. I knew I had to take this slow. "How are you?"

"Better than the last time you saw me." I gave her a small chuckle to lighten the conversation but her face showed no falter.

"I've been worried about you. I went to see you after you missed so much school but your mom told me you were in rehab." Well this is news to me. I had no idea Ashley had come to see me let alone that my mom had talked to her.

"Yeah it was the time of my life." I replied sarcastically.

She stared at me for a few moments as if she was studying me and it made me nervous. "I've missed you."

I couldn't lie to her even though I wanted to. "I've missed you too."

She gave me a slight smile at that which made me even more nervous. "Do you wanna go grab some coffee?"

It's too early for me to get into this right now. Being this close to her is bad enough. "I can't. It's too soon. I'm sorry." I didn't give her time to say anything else before I walked off.

It was way too soon.

* * *

><p>The next few days were the same. I would skip lunch to avoid Ashley. She tried to talk to me every day after school but I would just tell her I had to hurry up and get home.<p>

Today something was different. Ashley wasn't in class which was weird. I know the only reason her attendance has been so well lately is so she can talk to me.

"Have you seen, Ash?" I whisper to Carmen. Carmen is really the only one at school that knows about me and Ashley. She was always a good friend and never told anyone.

"Didn't you hear?" Her tone was sad and it scared the living shit out of me.

"Hear what?" I asked, fearing what the outcome might be.

"Ashley's dad died last night in a car wreck. It was all over the news today." Oh my god. I can't even imagine what she is going through right now. Her dad was her everything and now she has lost him. I have to see her.

"I have to go!" I say before jumping out of my seat and taking off. I didn't even have time to tell the teacher why I was leaving.

* * *

><p>Glen and I had made amends. He still wasn't happy with the thought of being with Ashley but he was trying to help me as much as he could. He told me on the first day I came back that he would start leaving his keys in the car in a hiding spot so if I ever felt like I needed to get away I could. This would be the time. I open the door and fumble around looking for the keys before I spot them under the seat. I'm quick to start the car and drive to Ashley's as fast as I can.<p>

As soon as I get to Ashley's I start to feel nervous. I haven't been here since my breakdown and it scared me. I have to do this though. Ashley helped me through so much and I have to help her in any way that I can. Another car is in the driveway. It's her mom's. I know this because it was here a couple times and Ashley told me whose it is but mentioned that just because the car was there doesn't mean she is. Her mother scares me for good reason. One time she came into Ashley's room while we were kissing and she called me a slut and said I was just trying to get Ashley's money. Bitch.

I knock on the door a couple times in hope that the maid will open the door. No such luck. Christine is standing before me and for someone's husband who just died, she didn't look too upset.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snarled at me causing me to take a step back.

"I'm here to see Ashley." I had to hold my ground or she would win.

"Ashley doesn't need to see you. You are worthless." Ouch.

"Miss Davies, if you love your daughter just the tiniest bit you will let me see her. Trust me when I say I can help her or at least I will do my best I can promise you that."

She contemplates her answer for a few moments before nodding her head and turning away. "Stay out of my way." No problem!

I race up the staircase before walking down a hallway that leads to her bedroom. I take a deep breath before knocking softly on the door.

"Please just go away Rosa!" She sobs causing my heart to break. I slowly open the door to see Ashley curled up in a ball facing the wall. There were no lights on but the light from the hallway illuminated her room. She was wearing a white tank top and black shorts and she was hugging a black vest. It was the vest I saw her wear on the first day of school. It must be her dad's. I slowly shut the door and slightly open the blinds to let in a little bit of sun.

"Rosa. I said go." She mumbles into the vest. Her hair is pulled up in a messy ponytail and she looks like she hasn't slept in days. I walk over to the bed and sit next to her.

"Ashley." I whisper and her body tenses up. She turns her head and locks eyes with mine.

"Am I dreaming?" She says causing me to let out a small chuckle.

I reach my arms out and pull her in my embrace. She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my waist. I place one hand on her back and the other on the side of her head. I can feel tears falling on my chest and I do my best to wipe them before they fall.

"I can't believe I lost him, Spence. How could I lose everyone I love?"

"You didn't lose everyone."

"My mother never wants to be around me, my dad just died, and I lost you."

Ugh. Am I ready to admit these words to her or not? I know it's what she needs to hear but I'm not sure how much good this will do me. "You haven't lost me. I'm right here."

She looks up at me and stares into my eyes. Before I realize what she is doing her lips are pressed against mine. The kiss is feverish and I try to return it as much as I can. God, how I've missed those lips. I can taste her and smell her and it's driving me crazy. I flip us over so that Ashley is on her back and I continue the kiss. Her fingers run through my hair and lightly tugs it as I nip her bottom lip.

She softly pushes me back and looks at me like a lost child. "Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"Please make love to me." Decisions, decisions.

* * *

><p>There weren't any reviews for last chapter but I hope you guys are enjoying the story.<p>

-lovelovelove- FG333


	14. Quiet In My Town

Make love to her? God I want to so bad but I'm supposed to be taking this slow. If I do this I could relapse. The addiction I have to her could cause me to go back to my other addictions. If I tried to explain this to someone they may think I'm crazy, but the few people who have actually been addicted to someone would understand. You just can't explain it; you just have to go through it to understand how much this does impact me. In my heart I know already that I'm going to do it. If I didn't want to do this I wouldn't have come over here. I came here knowing I would do whatever I could to help her and if this is what she needed then this is what I was going to do.

I didn't give her an answer, I just leaned in and pressed my lips softly against hers. I could taste the salt from her tears. I laid her on her back as we continued to kiss. I placed one had on her cheek and swiped a stray tear with my thumb as I slowly slid my tongue in her mouth. Our tongues swirled together and I couldn't get enough. She moaned in my mouth as I pressed my center into hers. I broke the heated kiss and quickly removed her tank top and her shorts. She wasn't wearing a bra which gave me easy access to her breasts. I latched on to one nipple and flicked it with my tongue causing her to buck into me. I gave her other nipple attention with my fingers and quickly had her writhing underneath me.

"Spencer, I need you to touch me. Please." I nodded and pulled away before sliding her thong down her legs and throwing it off the bed. I could instantly smell her scent and it drove me crazy. I ran my fingers down her folds causing her to moan once again. I leaned down and followed the same trail with my tongue. I had to place my hands on her hips to keep her from bucking into my face. I circled my tongue around her clit before latching onto it.

"Oh, fuck. Spencer! Shit!" I continued sucking on her clit before placing two fingers into her hole and quickly thrusting in and out.

"I love you so much." She mumbled out. Her fingers find my hair and roughly pull it which only turns me on more.

She grabs my arms and pulls me up towards her but I continue the thrusting. Our lips attach and she moans, probably from the taste of herself on my tongue. Her legs wrap around my waist pulling me even more into her then I already am. I kiss down to her neck before biting down causing her to gasp.

"I'm coming!" She whimpers out before her walls contract around my fingers. I kiss her cheek as she catches her breath. I place one last soft peck on her lips before rolling off of her.

"Spencer?" She whispers as she snuggles into me.

"Yeah?"

"Please stay with me tonight."

"Of course." I'm not sure if she even heard me before she fell asleep. I know there will be a talk tomorrow; I'm just not sure if I'm ready for it.

* * *

><p>I wake up early in the morning. It's not like I got much sleep anyways. I snuck out of bed and went down the hallway to take a shower. The feeling of the scorching hot water hitting my back relaxed me. I ran my hands through my wet hair when I heard the glass door slowly open and shut and a pair of hands wrapped around my waist. She placed her chin on my shoulder before pecking me on the cheek.<p>

"I thought you snuck out." She said hoarsely as she pulled me closer, causing me to feel her breasts against my back.

I turn myself and wrap my arms around her shoulders. "I want to be here for you, Ash. You went through hell with me."

She pulls back and I can see anger in her eyes, which surprises me. "I don't want you to be here for me because you feel like you owe me something."

I sigh as I place a hand on her cheek. "You know in your heart it's more than that. I know it too. Just because I tried to stay away from you doesn't mean I love you any less. I'm scared. I don't want to be the person I was 8 weeks ago. I want to start over with you."

"Really? I thought you said it was too soon."

"Maybe it is, but when is the best time? I love you Ashley and I might as well step up now then a few months from now when I'll probably still be unsure."

She nods her head before leaning in for a kiss. I lightly scratch the side of her head as we kiss causing her to let out a soft hum. I pull back and I can tell she is still hurting.

"What can I do for you?" I ask, completely helpless.

She laces our fingers before looking back at me. "Just hold my hand through it all."

I nod with a soft smile. I could do that.

* * *

><p>"You ready?" We had argued over whether or not Ashley would go to school and we obviously know what Ashley wanted. I also can be very convincing.<p>

"As ready as I'll ever be."

I laced our fingers and felt her immediately relax. She looked at me and gave me a soft smile before we began walking into the school. There were immediate stares of sympathy towards Ashley and well.. the kind of stares that you get when you just get back to school from rehab, only I've been getting them since I got back. I guess we need each other more then we know.

"Looks like we've got a new dyke couple in town." Madison said with a laugh as she looked at our linked hands.

"Fuck off Madison." I hissed causing her to take a step back. I usually just ignore her comments but not today.

"Look, I was kidding. I'm really sorry about your dad, Ashley."

Ashley just nodded and pulled me along. I walked her to her first class before we stopped at the door.

"So I'll see you at lunch?" We hadn't sat together and this would be the first time since everything happened.

"Of course." She gave me a smile and turned to walk in the class but I pulled her by the wrist and pressed my lips against hers.

I heard the cat calls, whistles, and the murmuring but I chose to ignore them. "I don't wanna hide anything anymore. It's our new start."

She gave me the biggest smile that I have seen in a while and gave me one last peck. "I'd like that."

The rumors spread like wild fire and by the time school was over, I had enough of it.

"I know I said I wanted to be open about us but if one more jock asks me to have a threesome, someone's getting kicked in the groin." I said as Ashley drove me to my house. I barely got a smile out of her which caught my attention.

"Come over tonight." I said as I laced our fingers.

She scoffed and shook her head, "What so I can have your mom beat me with a bible?"

"Would you rather go home and eat dinner with Christine?" Okay that was a little harsh. "I promise she'll behave. We've been working things out. I want you to be a part of my family life if we are going to start over."

I can tell she contemplates her decision, but after sighing she nods. "Thank you." I whisper.

After we pull up to my house we walk inside.

"Spencer!" I can already hear her yelling as soon as we walk through the door. Shit I forgot about me cutting class yesterday.

"Go sit in the living room. Let me talk to her real quick." I say before walking into the kitchen to find my mom and dad cooking.

"We just got you excused for six weeks and you cut class yesterday and then you don't come home?"

"Have you watched the news?" I ask as I place a hand on the counter.

"No but I don't see how that has anything to do with—"

"Ashley's dad died and she needs me." They both stop what they are doing and look at me.

"Spencer, I know you love her but you need to be focusing on yourself right now." My mom said with sincerity.

"Mom, you're right I do love her. As messed up as I was she did try to get me through it. I want to do the same for her. If I feel like I can't handle it anymore then I will tell her."

"I think Spencer is a different girl then she is now. I think she is strong enough to make her own decisions." My dad stepped in causing my mom to nod.

"If you think you can handle this then I'll support you."

"Can you support me by letting Ashley have dinner with us?"

I can tell she is trying to work with me. "I think I can do that."

"Thank you." I reply before giving her a peck on the cheek and going back to get Ashley.

* * *

><p>"So Ashley, how have things been?" Really mom? Her dad just died and that's what you want to ask? I give her a look causing her to get offended. "I'm just asking, Spencer."<p>

"No it's fine. I could be better but having Spencer by my side is really helping." We give each other small smiles as we continue to eat the lasagna my dad made.

"Well if you ever need to talk I'm always here. I deal with a lot of similar circumstances and I will be more than happy to give you counseling." My dad gives her a smile which she returns.

"Thanks Mr. C." I discreetly hold her hand under the table. I know my mom is still trying to deal with everything and I don't want to throw it in her face.

"Can I ask you guys something?" I'm a little nervous because she is looking at my parents and I have no clue what she is going to ask.

"Sure." My dad replies.

"My father's funeral is tomorrow and I know Spencer has already missed a lot of class but it would mean the world to me if you guys let her go. I could really use—"

"Of course, Ashley." My mother cuts her off which surprises me to say the least.

"Really, mom?

"Yes. I know that she will need someone to be there for her and if you don't mind, Arthur and I would like to attend as well."

Talk about a shocker. I feel like it was just yesterday when she was forbidding me to see her and now she wants to support her?

"I would love to have you and Mr. C's support. I really appreciate it." I gave Ashley's hand a squeeze. I can't believe how much better this is all getting. I actually feel happy again. I never thought I would feel like this.

"Spencer, why don't you go help your dad with the dishes so I can have a chat with Ashley." Uh- oh. I just had to say I was happy, didn't I?

"Ugh! Where's Clay and Glen when I need them?"

"They both found girls that they wanted to take out tonight so I excused them from dinner. Now go help your dad."

"Fine."

* * *

><p>"Are you going to tell me what she said?" I asked as we cuddled up in her bed. My mom told me I could stay the night with her since we were going together to the funeral in the morning.<p>

"She apologized for how she treated me and explained why she did it. She told me that you were still going through recovery and that I needed to make sure I didn't put too much pressure on you."

"At least she apologized to you." I whispered as I played with a piece of her hair.

"You would tell me if I become too much for you, won't you?"

I sat up and placed her hand in my lap as I played with her fingers. "Of course I would but that's not going to happen. I know I have been so hot and cold but it's only because I was scared. I love you Ashley, and that's not going to change. Whatever happens we will deal with it together. I'm sorry we didn't get to live together the way we wanted to but I think this will be better for us. We kind of rushed into everything and I don't want anything to ruin us, okay?"

"Okay. I'm scared about tomorrow." She whispered.

"I can't say that I can make that better for you but I will be there and I'll be holding your hand the entire time."

"That's all I would ask for."

"What if we have a memorial party? It could be in the city and we could invite his band members and our friends."

"I think he would like that."

"I wish I could have met him." I say quietly causing her to place a hand on my cheek.

"He would have loved you, just like I do."

I lean in and press our lips together. I have missed kissing her like this and I don't hold back. We shared kisses and touches until we fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The funeral was as emotional as I thought it would be. I was up front with Ashley and we both bawled our eyes out. I kept my arms around her the entire time. She was going to make a speech but she couldn't do it. I can't imagine how bad she must be hurting and I can't change any of it. My parents brought Ashley some flowers and my dad made her one of his favorite casseroles. Even Clay and Glen showed up for support. I could see Clay coming but glen coming was a shock.<p>

Ashley and I spent the rest of the day in her bed watching her dad's old music videos. I had made all of the plans for everyone to meet back up at a hotel in downtown L.A. that was really nice. Ashley wore her dad's vest with black jeggings and heels and I wore a black dress and heels.

I had it catered and although I was going to pay for all of it, Ashley refused to let me. We sat around eating food and sharing stories of Raife. Ashley held my hand and didn't say much until finally she stood up with her glass of water.

"I would like to say a few words. My father was my hero much like how any other girl feels about her father. Not only was he my hero, he was a hero to millions of other people around the world. He was a great man and one of the best things he told me was to never give up on my dreams for they were mine to achieve. So in his honor I would like to sing a song I wrote and I hope you all enjoy it."

She grabbed a guitar before sitting on a stool that wasn't being used. I watched her fingers pluck the strings as she began her song. I couldn't help but smile as I stared at her beautiful face concentrating on the song she was about to sing.

"_Today I heard that someone left this earth__  
><em>_That someone disappeared left no mark here__  
><em>_Today I heard that someone just got up and left himself__  
><em>_Lying on the ground__Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town_Her voice was absolutely breathtaking. I had never heard her sing before and I never wanted her to stop.

_Today two boys disappeared without noise__  
><em>_and I wish that I was them flying somewhere overhead__  
><em>_And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find__  
><em>_One is bored__  
><em>_One is angry__  
><em>_but neither one of them is right, oh__Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Oh, Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__Oh, somebody say something_Tears began to fall down her cheek and I wanted nothing more than to be able to stop them. I guess I looked tense because my mom placed a hand on my shoulder._  
><em>_Somebody say something__  
><em>_Somebody say something to me__  
><em>_Oh, someday say something__  
><em>_Someday say something__  
><em>_Someday say something cause I can't take this silence anymore__  
><em>_Anymore__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is too quiet in my town__Today I heard the sound of birds and I wish that I was anywhere but here__It's too quiet, too quiet__  
><em>_It's too quite, too quiet__  
><em>_It's too quiet__  
><em>_in my town, in here, in here, in here,__  
><em>_It's too quite in my town__Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is too quiet in my town__Today is__  
><em>_Today is__  
><em>_Today is quiet in my town__."_

She stood up from her stool and wiped her tears with a small bow. Everyone erupted into applauding and yelled for Ashley. I was happy for her and I knew this was something she had to do. I got up from my seat and pulled her into my arms after she set her guitar down.

"You were amazing." I said into her ear as everyone was still clapping for her.

"I love you, Ashley Davies." I said as her arms wrapped tightly around me.

"I love you too, Spencer Carlin. Thank you for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You don't have to do anything without me."

* * *

><p>Omg! So many reviews for last chapter! I love you guys so much and I hope you guys like where I am taking this. If you guys have any ideas then please feel free to let me know!<p>

P.S. The song is Quiet in My Town by Civil Twilight. I met them once and they are such cool people and amazing performers.

Bloody ice queen: Thank you so much. You don't know how much your support means to me!

Anonymous: Well I am very glad you decided to give it a read and that you like it. I think people have to go through stuff so that they can overcome it and become a better person. I have really struggled with it but I am also stronger for it. I would love to talk to you but you posted anonymous so I'm not sure how to do that. Lol. Thanks for the review.

Mb168: I know but maybe this needed to happen for Spencer to get over everything and just work past it. Thanks for the review!

Rain1657: Thank you! I think everyone who goes through something just hits a breaking point and they realize, hey I don't have to be like this anymore. I can make it better. It's what she wants to do she is just struggling with it exactly like I did. Hope all is well with you. Love you! Hope you liked this chapter.

Idwalkthroughhell4u: Was this the reunion chapter you wanted? I hope you approve! Thanks for the review!

Ashleyss27: Thanks you soooo much! Thanks for the review!

Southfan1253: I hope you liked this chapter as well. Spencer just had to overcome some fears but as we can see, she did. Thanks for the review!

Irishgrl35: thank you so much!

Halestorm03: For you to say the update was powerful meant a lot to me. I really want you guys to feel what I'm feeling when I write it. I want you guys to feel the struggle and heartbreak and the love. Thanks so much for the review! I hope you like this chapter as well.

Inviziblic: That would have been another direction to take it. Haha. I think that would be a bit too much for all the drama I keep adding. Thanks for the review!

Ffreviews: I hope there were some happy moments in this even though some of it was sad. There will be some happiness to come. Thanks for the review!

Oneliner: Everyone has her opinions but honestly you don't know how she is feeling until your in her shoes. She is trying to fix herself and she feels like she is losing everything. Thanks for the review.


	15. I'll Be Waiting

Weeks had come and gone yet things remain the same between Ashley and I. She was my rock and I was hers. When one of us felt like we needed support we did the best that we could to help each other. She made me feel alive with every whispered 'I love you', every sweet kiss, every time she held my hand. I know she is being as strong as she can without her dad and the love I feel for her grows intensely every time I'm with her.

"What are your plans after school?" We were laying on her bed. My head was on her stomach and she was playing with my hair. We hadn't talked about our plans after school. In fact I'd been avoiding the subject. What if our plans were completely different?

I pull myself up and look at her and she looks worried. "I actually got my acceptance letter from UCLA a couple of weeks ago."

She looked surprised and it made me nervous. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know." I mumbled causing her to tilt my chin up.

"Tell me." She whispered before cupping my cheek.

"I just—I didn't know what that meant for us."

"So you'd rather not tell me? How are we supposed to figure it out if you can't tell me what's going on?"

She's right. The best thing to do is be completely honest with her and I have to learn to step it up in that department. What was I going to do just say oh hey by the way I'm going to college today? Why does life have to be so complicated?

"You're right. I should have told you." She gave me a small smile before giving me a kiss. "So what are your plans anyways?"

"I honestly have no idea. With my dad's inheritance coming in, I really don't have to get a job so I could live anywhere."

"Why don't we get a place of our own? Near UCLA?" I asked as I tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear.

"Do you think your ready now?"

I gave her a big grin as I laced our fingers, "Baby, I've been ready for a while."

"Yeah?" She returned my grin before jumping on my lap.

"Absolutely." I wrapped my arms around her waist as she laced her fingers behind my neck.

"Let's do it baby. Let's get a place of our own."

* * *

><p>"Ashley can you seriously just quit nit picking everything." I huffed as I crossed my arms. It feels like all we have been doing since graduation is fighting about where we are going to move to. Every condo we look at is either too small, in the wrong area, or just not good enough.<p>

"I just want it to be perfect for us, Spence." She replied as we looked at the layout before us. Even I can admit it wasn't really the best condo but it seems like she is finding something wrong with every one we look at.

"Are you sure that's all?"

She turned to face me looking pissed off. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's like every time we look at a place you find something wrong with it so that we don't choose it. Are you reconsidering moving in together?" I couldn't help but ask and it scared me to death. All I wanted was for us to find a place and be happy together. It's like one day something had changed with Ashley and I can't figure out why.

"Alright so what do you guys think of the place?" Our realtor walked into the room interrupting our conversation.

"It's not good enough for her." I replied harshly as I continued to look at Ashley. "Or maybe I'm not." I spun on my heels and stormed out of the room before slamming the door and heading to the elevator.

I waited in the car until Ashley finally came down. When she did, she opened the driver's door before sliding in. Since I had the keys, the car was already started. I refused to look at her so I stared at out the window as I watched couples walking hand in hand, mother's holding their babies, normal people getting to live their normal lives.

"Spencer, we need to talk." Her voice barely came out as a whisper over the hum of the car running.

"You should have said that a long time ago instead of getting my hopes up of us finally getting to live together. If you didn't want to move in then you should have said something a long time ago."

"Spence, please look at me."

I sighed before turning my head to look at her. I couldn't read the emotions in her eyes. They went from scared to nervous to sad.

"I haven't been putting off finding a place because I don't want to move in with you. I've been putting it off because there is something I need to tell you before we pick a place and I've been holding off on talking about it."

At this point I'm infuriated. We have been looking for weeks and if she had to tell me something then just fucking tell me. "Spit it out Ashley."

"We should probably go back to my place before we discuss this." She replied and I could literally feel myself burning up from how pissed off I was.

"Just fucking tell me!" I am not even sure why I'm getting so upset. I just have this gut feeling she is going to tell me she doesn't want to be with me anymore.

"I got a job offer." She whispered causing me to pause in confusion. A job offer? Last thing I knew, Ashley wasn't even looking for a job due to her inheritance. How the hell did she get offered a job out of nowhere?

"What are you talking about?"

"Someone from my dad's label was at the party the night of the memorial. He had recorded me and took it back to the label. They got a hold of me a few days after graduation and offered me a contract to sign with them." It was so much information to take in. The fact that she felt like she couldn't share good news like that threw me off. I looked into those beautiful eyes I loved as I placed a hand on her cheek.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you. Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?" I asked as I rubbed my thumb over her cheek causing her to place a hand over mine.

"The recording studio is in New York." Within that one statement everything made sense. I was going to lose her. She was leaving me. My hand quickly pulled away and I felt my whole world caving in. I didn't even notice the tears streaming down my face until she tried to wipe them away, but there was no stopping them.

"Are- are you breaking up with me?" I mumbled out as I felt a lump form in my throat and I felt my whole body start shaking.

"No!" She yelled causing me to jump. "God no, Spencer this is not me breaking up with you." She pulled me as close to her as she could with the console in our way and wrapped her arms around me as I cried into her neck.

"I just don't know what to do. You want to go to school at UCLA and I want that for you. It just means I would be traveling a lot and I didn't know how you would take that. I got it extended so that I don't have to leave until the end of the summer and—"

"Wait!" I pulled out of her embrace as I glared at her. "You already took it? Without even talking to me about it first?"

She sighed in frustration as she ran her hands through her chocolate curls. "It's a big opportunity for me. Just like going to UCLA is a big opportunity for you."

Am I allowed to be mad? I don't think I would be nearly as mad if she had told me about it when she first found out. This is a big thing that could make us or break us.

"Do what you have to do, Ashley. If this is what you want then I can only hope it doesn't tear us apart." I whispered as more tears ran down my face. I could now see her crying as well. Please don't let me lose her.

* * *

><p>After a few weeks on going back and forth on what we should do, we finally decided to go ahead and get a condo near my school. I would live there and Ashley would visit when she wasn't recording or on tour. It was only a few days before she would be flying out for the first time to New York. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her and I could see it was affecting her as well. We had been attached at the hip, not like that was different from any other time. It just become more real as I saw her starting to pack up clothes from our condo. It killed me inside to know I wouldn't have her there to comfort me on my bad days and vice versa.<p>

I was in the middle of cooking us eggs and bacon when I heard some noises coming from the bedroom causing me to walk in to see what she was doing.

"Baby?" She was sitting on the floor crying with her knees against her chest. I quickly walked over and wrapped her up in my arms.

"Spence, I don't know if I can leave you." She said in between tears.

It was killing me as much as it was hurting her but I had to be strong for her. "Yes you can. Ashley, I'm not going anywhere. I'm so proud of you for doing this and your dad would be too. I'll be right here when you get back."

"Promise?" She sounded like a child as the tears stained her cheeks. I nodded before softly pressing my lips against hers. The natural taste of Ashley's lips and her tears were on my tongue. I lifted her up off the floor and walked her to the bed before laying her down as we continued our kiss.

We just needed to taste and touch each other. To know we supported each other and show our love to one another. It was the only thing we had left. So that's what we did for the rest of the morning. Letting the breakfast go cold, we made love to each other until we had no energy left.

Afterwards we lay on our bed wrapped up in each other. Just giving each other kisses here and there. I couldn't ask for anything better at the moment.

"I got you something." Ashley whispered to me before getting up and grabbing a shopping bag. She pulled out a webcam before giving me a small smile. "This way we can still see each other and talk or even if we are lonely we can get a little kinky." She gave me a wink causing me to let out a sincere laugh, one that hadn't been let out for a while.

"That's my girl, always thinking ahead when it comes to sex."

This caused her to laugh before slapping me on the ass, "You bet your ass I do."

* * *

><p>I woke up wrapped in Ashley's arms. Today is the day I have been dreading. It's our last full day together before she leaves in the morning. Nothing could have prepared me for this day no matter how hard I tried. I looked up from her chest to see her sleeping. Those perfect lips, perfect nose that scrunches up when she smiles, her curly dark brown hair that I love running my fingers through, and last but not least behind those closed eyes were the eyes that I get lost in every time I look at them. How could I possibly spend months at a time without her? She's my life and it doesn't make sense without her.<p>

"Should it freak me out that you're staring at me?" She whispered huskily causing me to jump. Her eyes were still closed but she gave me a small smile.

"Only if it freaks me out that you knew I was staring at you with your eyes closed." I replied with a laugh causing her to open one eye.

"Kisses?" She asked with an innocent voice. I laughed before moving up to her and pecking her on the lips.

"No more until we brush our teeth." Of course once I say that she begins to pout.

"You don't like my morning breath baby?"

I rolled my eyes before slapping her thigh, "I love everything BUT your morning breath."

"It's not nice to hit your girlfriend! I might get bruises and then people will think you're abusive."

I raised an eyebrow before pulling away from her. "You're on a roll today. Guess you don't want to shower with me."

"No! No more jokes, I promise!" She scrambled after me as I made my way to the shower.

"You better not!"

* * *

><p>Spending the day together trying to avoid the fact that she was leaving was harder than I thought it would be. It got brought up once but I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We were currently getting all dressed up to go out and have a nice romantic dinner. I seriously wasn't up for it.<p>

"Ash!" I called out causing her to walk in wearing a black strapless dress with her hair straightened and a smoky eye. She looked beautiful. "Uh- nevermind."

She walked up to me in concern and tucked my hair behind my ear. "What is it? You can tell me."

"Would you be mad if I said I would rather spend tonight here in the condo instead of going out? I just want you to myself." I asked shyly causing her to laugh. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"That sounds perfect. The only reason I said I would take you out is because I thought it was something you would want to do."

"I honestly would rather be cuddled up in bed watching a movie."

"Movie it is." She replied before unzipping her dress and letting it fall to the floor. My eyes widened as I realized she wasn't wearing a bra and her panties were black and see through lace. I could instantly feel the heat rush in between my legs.

"See something you like?" She asked seductively causing me to look up at her. Her eyes darkened with lust and she nibbled on her bottom lip.

"I see everything I like." I replied before crushing my lips into hers. I walked her over to the bed before pushing her back. I was still in my tank top and shorts so we quickly rid myself of them. I looked down at her perfect round breasts before trailing my focus down to her abs that I love touching. I slid my hands over her stomach causing her to flex and let out a moan. I think she likes it just as much when I touch them. I ran my fingers down to her underwear before sliding them down her tanned toned legs. I started by kissing her ankle and making my way up to her inner thigh. I licked and sucked on her skin causing her to let out a soft moan.

"Baby please?"

"What do you want me to do?" I asked before lightly sliding my tongue up her clit and then pulling back.

"Fuck! Baby, I want you to eat me out! So fucking good!"

"So good that I make you cum and then I have to clean you back up with my tongue?" I asked in my lust filled haze. I wanted her to think of this when some nasty skank was trying to get her number in New York. I wanted her to think about begging me to make her cum.

"Fuck yes baby! Make me cum and then clean me up really good."

"Just what I wanted to hear." I purred before roughly licking her clit causing her thighs to shake as her hand reached down and gripped my hair. I rubbed and grabbed her ass as I sucked her clit into my mouth and rolled my tongue around it.

"Oh fuck baby! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh shit!" Her hips were bucking into my face as I continued to eat her out. I slammed two fingers into her and began pumping them in and out of her as I lightly nibbled on her clit. Almost immediately she came undone and screamed my name as she came for me.

She was breathing heavily as she tried to recover. I snuggled up into her side but she was quick to push me away.

"Oh no you don't! Every time you snuggle into me you end up falling asleep and I am definitely having my desert." She replied before rolling me onto my back.

I let out a soft laugh before saying, "You're more than welcome to have desert. Hell you can even have seconds."

* * *

><p>I know I know! sorry for such a long wait! I hope this makes up for it! So how do you guys thing Ashley and Spencer will do without each other? hmmm. Thanks rain for getting me in the right direction!<p>

Bloody ice queen: lol! idk about being an inspiration but thank you for saying that. Im glad you like my story!

idwalkthroughhell4u: Im glad you enjoyed it! I think it needed to happen sooner or later.

mb6:thanks so much!

Rach: Im glad you are enjoying the songs! Im a huge fan of music so i love incorporating the songs into my stories. Thanks for the support!

Rain: You already know what im going to say! Thanks for helping me develop not only as a writer but as a person. I love you too!

irishinkjunkie: I know! I'm so sorry it took so long! life got in the way and i finally took a break to sit down and write. Thanks for saying that. You have no idea how much that means to me! Hope you like the next chapter!


	16. Babe I'm Gonna Leave You

Months have passed since Ashley left for New York to start her music career. We tried to see each other on the web cam every night before we went to bed but with Ashley's career quickly sky rocketing, it became harder and harder to find the time. She tried flying out to see me when she could but she recently came out with her cd and they had started her tour throughout the United States. I had never felt more alone. Here I was coming home from school every day to sit in a condo by myself and no one to talk to. I started throwing myself into school work and even got a job interning at a book publishing company. I had always been interested in writing and was hoping this would put my foot in the door. My boss, Brooke, was very sweet. She was also gay which made it easier to talk to about our love lives when we went to lunch. It was really nice to be able to talk to someone about how hard it was to be in a long distance relationship. We were actually becoming great friends and went out for drinks a few times after work.

I was currently sitting at my desk at work going over a manuscript that Brooke wanted me to look over. She would let me do this from time to time and it was exciting being able to take on such an important task. I felt my phone vibrating in my desk, causing me to pull the drawer open and check to see who it was.

_Ashley._

I hadn't talked to her in couple days. Our schedules are so different what with my classes being in the day and then going straight to work right after. By the time I get off of work she is either performing or at a signing and I tend to fall asleep before she gets home. I feel myself smiling as I slide my thumb over the screen to answer the call.

"Hi." I let out with a rasp as I ran my fingers through my hair.

_"Hello beautiful. How's my girl doing?"_ The sound of her sexy raspy voice sends chills down my body. Hearing her voice never gets old and I will never get used to the feeling she gives me when she calls me beautiful.

"I'm missing you like crazy. Are you still coming home this weekend?" I asked excitedly as I began tapping my pen on the desk.

She paused which caused my smile to fall. _"Actually that's why I was calling you."_

I wanted to cry out in frustration. Is it so wrong of me to want to see my girlfriend for ONE weekend? "Let me guess, you're too busy?" I replied flatly causing her to sigh.

_"There's a charity concert going on this Saturday and I was asked to perform. My publicist thinks it would look really good for me if I were to do it."_

I throw my pen down on the desk and shake my head, "Of course she does." I have met her publicist once. Ashley had flown me out to see a concert over a weekend and let's just say her publicist was very into her. If looks could kill then she would be dead and Ashley knew I wasn't a fan of her.

_"Spence, please don't be like that. It's not about her. This is about me and trying to further my career."_ She replied exasperated and I really could care less at this point. I was seething and she was about to know just how much.

"Of course it's about you. It's always about you. I just wonder if you will ever remember about me, us, and ever put our relationship first. Don't you understand, Ashley? I miss your touch. I miss you holding me and kissing me and telling me that you love me—"

_"I do love you Spencer!" _She interjected causing me to roll my eyes.

"Then start acting like it! I just want to see my girlfriend for one fucking night for Christ's sake!" I could feel the hot tears rolling down my face and I quickly tried to wipe them away but it was no use, they wouldn't stop.

I could hear her breathing on the phone and I knew she was at a loss for words, as was I. _"Can I see you tonight? On webcam and we can talk everything out? I have a dinner tonight with my producers but I should be done by ten."_ She whispered and I really didn't want to see her. It would only make things harder.

"I don't have anything else to say to you, Ashley."

_"Please, Spencer?"_

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but it was no use. "Have fun at your dinner." I whispered before pulling the phone away from my face and hitting the end button.

I took a deep breath but was quickly startled by a knock at my door. I looked up to see Brooke standing in my doorway. I quickly tried to wipe the tears from my face, clearly embarrassed.

"Sorry Brooke I know I shouldn't be taking personal calls at work. Won't happen again."

Brooke slowly walked over to my desk and sat on it to where she was next to me and looked down at me. "I didn't mean to interrupt. Don't worry about personal calls you work your ass off for me."

"Thanks Brooke."

She nods before giving me a sad smile, "Is everything okay?"

"Oh you know, just dealing with the long distance relationship." I try to force out a laugh but fail miserably.

"If you need anything let me know, okay?" I gave her a smile and a nod in response, causing her to stand up and walk back to the door. "Spence, do you wanna grab a couple drinks after work? Looks like you could use it."

"I don't know Brooke-" My phone buzzed causing me to look down.

_I'm just trying to provide us with a good life. I wish you could understand that. –Ashley _

"A couple drinks sound good." I say after throwing my phone back into the drawer and slamming it shut.

If only she could understand, her being with me would be enough.

* * *

><p>I threw back a shot of something Brooke picked out. The warm liquid glided down my throat and left a burning sensation. I wasn't opposed to having another.<p>

"One more." I said to Brooke as she finished her own.

"Are you sure? You've already had three." Her raspy voice reminded me of Ashley's. Her hair was brown with waves, it wasn't as dark as Ashley's but it still resembled it a lot. I've noticed quite a few things about Brooke that reminded me of Ashley. Her spunky attitude, her bubbly personality, her loud raspy laugh, and her smoldering eyes all brought Ashley to mind. It was hard to be reminded of her at a time like this.

I contemplated her question. Am I sure? At this point, I'm absolutely positive.

I lick my lips, tasting the distinct taste of what ever shot I took last that was still lingering. I give her a nod causing her to sigh before flagging down the bartender.

After we took the last shot I promised it would be my last. We made our way to a corner booth away from the noise.

"You want to talk about it?" She asked as before sipping on her glass of water.

"What's there to talk about? Even my girlfriend doesn't want to see me." I could feel the tears building up and the effect on the alcohol was not in my favor for hiding my emotions.

"Spence, I'm sure it's not like that. I bet she just has a lot going on right now and she is having a hard time balancing everything." Even I could tell she didn't believe the words that were coming from her glossed mouth.

"You know the first time Ashley called me Spence was the first day I met her. It was like an instant connection. She was telling me that she wouldn't take advantage of me if I changed in front of her." I let out a soft chuckle as I wipe a couple tears away. "When you call me Spence it reminds me of that day and the way we quickly fell in love. Now it's like none of it even matters anymore, like _I_ don't matter anymore."

The alcohol was really kicking my ass and the tears were at a non-stop. I think the alcohol was affecting Brooke as well because she placed a hand on my cheek and swiped a tear away with her thumb. "Spencer, you do matter and if Ashley can't realize that then she's an idiot."

I nuzzled into her hand before placing my hand over hers. "Thanks Brooke. This really helped." I leaned forward and pulled her into a hug.

She ran one hand up and down my back and the other was place on the back of my head. "It's going to get better Spencer."

"I hope so." I whispered before leaning back. She gave me a small smile as she ran her hand down to my neck. Something in her eyes changed and they went dark. Before I knew it her lips were pressed against mine. Her lips were soft and sexy. Her tongue swiped against my bottom lip begging me for access which I quickly granted. Her tongue found mine and they battled for dominance. She smelled delicious and her hair was soft in my fingers. Her lips were quickly moving with mine and she moved so that she was on my lap. Her skirt hitched up so that she could straddle me. I ran my hands up her soft toned thighs causing her to moan in my mouth.

This kiss was exciting and sexy and it had me reeling. There was just one problem—

It wasn't Ashley and it never would be.

I quickly pulled back causing Brooke to look at me in confusion. "I'm sorry, Brooke. I just can't. I'm with Ashley and I love her. I shouldn't have kissed you back I'm—"

"Spencer, stop! It's my fault. I don't know what came over me." Her eyes were wide with panic, "I guess it's just because we're both going through a shitty love life right now and I shouldn't have used that as an excuse to kiss you. I hope we can just forget about this and act like it never happened." I could tell she was sincere and I honestly couldn't be mad at her.

I give her a small smile before nodding at her, "I would be more than happy to forget all about this but you're still on top of me and it's very distracting." I reply with a laugh.

Her face burns red with embarrassment as I help her off my lap. "We should probably get out of here." I reply before grabbing her hand, helping her up to let her know I wasn't mad.

* * *

><p>We reached my condo in her limo; did I mention she's rich? Yes, very. I went to open the door but her hand stopped me.<p>

"Spencer, I really am sorry. That was totally unprofessional of me to do and I hope you don't let this affect our business relationship."

I give her a smile as I nod, "Of course not, Brooke. To be honest, I consider you a friend and I won't let this affect it either. It was a drunken mistake and I don't hold anything against you. I'm in the wrong as well for kissing you back. So if you're going to apologize then I owe you one too."

"Oh please, Spencer. Don't apologize. Let's just forget the whole thing."

"Sounds good." I reply before opening the door and stepping out into the warm air.

"Oh and Spencer?" I turn back to face her before raising an eyebrow. "I consider you a friend as well. I meant it when I said if you ever need anything I'm here for you. I'll try not to kiss you next time." She replied with a wink causing me to laugh.

"I thought we were forgetting about that?"

"Who could possibly forget about a kiss like that?" She gave me a smirk causing me to shake my head at her in disapproval.

"Good bye Brooke Davis."

"Good bye Spencer Carlin." I laugh as I shut the door and make my way up the stairs.

* * *

><p>As I walk into my condo I kick my heels off and pull the clip from my hair, letting it fall to my shoulders. Today has been—exhausting to say the least. I'm still drunk and at this point I could really use a hot shower. I pull the zipper down the back of my dress as I make my way down the hallway. I let it fall before stepping out of it leaving me only in my bra and underwear. I pick up my dress and walk towards my bedroom. When I open the door I realize my lamp is on and I look to my bed to find her sitting there in one of my t shirts that I sleep in, and her short shorts that she always sleeps in.<p>

I feel a lot of emotions going through me right now ranging from anger, happy, guilty, and the list goes on.

"Well this is a very good hello." I see her eyeing my body and I look down to realize I'm in my underwear.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper causing her to look back up into my eyes.

"My girlfriend told me that she missed my touch, so I came to deliver." She replied before standing up and walking towards me. She pulled me into a hug and I got lost into her touch and smell.

I felt the tears streaming down my face. I have missed her so much that it hurts. "I've missed you so much Ashley."

"I've missed you too, baby. More than you realize. I know you don't think so but I go to bed every night thinking about you and wishing you were sleeping in my arms. Wishing I could taste your lips and feel your skin against mine. I don't want you to ever feel like I care about anything else more then I care about you. I love you Spencer, more than anything."

I pulled back and I could tell she was sincere with her words. "I love you too Ashley. I just need you here more. I hate being away from you so much. It hurts me."

"I know and I'm so sorry. I guess I just let myself get too involved with work and I needed a reality check. I'm going to be here this weekend with you like I promised and then I've only got 3 more show before my tour is over. I'm going to take a few months off after that and spend time here at home with you."

"That sounds perfect." I reply as I place my hand on her cheek. She leans in and captures my lips in a sweet kiss.

She's quick to pull away which causes myself confusion. "Have you been drinking?" She asks with her nose scrunched up.

It's like I got punched in the stomach when the events of tonight come back into mind. Fuck. I kissed Brooke. I place my hands over my face and groan.

"Spence, what's wrong?" She asked as she ran her hands up and down my shoulders. Spence. It brings me back to the night she was going to take me out on the town.

_"So you asked about me huh?" I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt a blush creep on my face. She had the biggest shit eating grin on her face. I had to come up with something quick._

_"Well I was just wondering where your attitude came from and after I was told you were the daughter of a rock star, it all made since." I replied coolly as I collected myself before following her upstairs to her bedroom._

_"Oh so I have an attitude now, huh? Well I guess you're right." She said with a grin as she grabbed some dresses out of her closet and threw them on the bed. "I already know what I'm wearing but here's a few for you to choose from. In my opinion, I think you would look smokin' in this." She picked up a strapless black mini dress that had a matching belt that was covered in sequins._

_"Where's the bathroom?" I asked, obviously wanting to go change._

_"You can change in here Spence, I'm not gonna take advantage of you." She replied with a raspy laugh that made me weak in the knees. Just hearing her give me a nick name made my stomach do summersaults._

"Ashley, I-" I couldn't even bring myself to say it. To tell the love of my life I betrayed her trust.

"Spencer what is it? You can tell me." Of course she would say that.

"My boss, Brooke, heard us on the phone today. She knew I was upset and took me out for drinks. I was really upset and I was crying." She was starting to catch on and she pulled away from me and I could see the shock written all over her face. This was killing me to tell her.

"I'm sorry, Ashley. We—we kissed and I stopped it before anything else happened. It shouldn't have happened. I was really drunk and-"

"Stop." I froze and could see the shock slowly turning into anger. I have to do something, I have to make everything better.

She quickly grabbed her duffel bag before storming out of the room. I quickly followed after her and the tears once again were falling down my face.

"Ashley, please don't leave." I yelled before grabbing her arm and turning her around.

"You know, I may have been a shitty girlfriend lately, but not ONCE did I cheat on you. Don't you ever fucking tell me I don't love you because it's the damn opposite. You clearly don't love me."

My whole world was crashing right now and I didn't know how to stop it. "Ashley, you know I love you! Where are you going?" I asked with a sob. I feel like a fucking idiot. I cheated on the love of my life and now I'm left here bawling in my underwear. It's exactly what I deserve.

"I guess I'm going to the charity event after all." She replied harshly before opening the door. "You might love me but clearly not enough to keep you from cheating on me." And with that the door slammed in my face.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I felt the sobs wrack through my body. I walked to the table where I threw my purse and retrieved my cell phone. I dialed her number silently hoping she would answer.

After a few rings she picked up. "Brooke? No I'm not okay. Can you please come over? Thanks."

* * *

><p>BAM! I literally sat down and just started writing. Not sure how I got here but looky there! Can Ashley ever forgive Spencer or will Spencer turn to Brooke once again? What if Brooke and Spencer end up becoming a couple due to this fall out! The possibilities! And for those of you who don't know Brooke Davis is from one tree hill and no I don't own her nor do I own the show. Although if I did own Brooke Davis… yum. She is sexy as hell!<p>

irishinkjunkie1024: thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed the update!

Rain1657: I feel like I had a lot of growth as a write in this chapter! I hope you get to read this soon because I love seeing your input. Message me sometime I'd love to hear from you! Miss you!

Kaitlynscionti: Sorry to burst your bubble! Sometimes things have to happen. No relationship is perfect. I hope you still like my story though!

Mb168: We can only hope! Thanks for the review!


	17. I Am Always Yours

I just want to start off by saying I'm really disappointed in the reviews I've been receiving. I'm all for constructive criticism that can help my writing in any way and trust me I've received it over and over again but these recent reviews I've received are anything but constructive. Telling me that I've over done a scene and made it too dramatic? The whole point was supposed to be dramatic. It's a story first of all. Second of all its Ashley… when has she ever not been dramatic. People over react when they are angry all the time and their first reaction is to get mad and say things they don't mean. Nobody really thinks clearly when you're told that the person you are in love with betrayed your trust. If you're disappointed in the way it's going I can understand. Nobody wants to see their favorite characters break up but keep in mind not every relationship is perfect and things like this will happen. That's all I have to say about this. Thanks to the ones who are continuously supporting me and giving me constructive feedback whether it's good or bad to improve my writing. I greatly appreciate it. On with the story.

* * *

><p>Who would have possibly thought that I'd be sitting on my couch in my underwear sobbing uncontrollably after seeing Ashley? Not me. The moment I saw her I had never been happier. She came back to me and I screwed it up. My feelings throughout her getting this record deal have never changed. Not only am I still so deeply in love with her but I'm still addicted to her. Being away from her months at a time has really taken a toll on me. There are nights where I want nothing more than to take a handful of Xanax and sleep away the pain. I just wanted her back and in return I ended up losing her. My whole world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop the earthquake. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of never getting to speak to that beautiful, loving, sexy woman again.<p>

I no longer had the same option in high school where I could just go buy some pills off of Carmen like I used to do. So I did the next best option. I had gotten a bottle of vodka and started doing more shots. My whole body felt numb and my world was spinning. I felt a warm pair of arms wrap around me causing me to gasp.

Ashley?

I turn to see Brooke standing behind the arm rest and her head on my shoulder. I turned to her and pulled her on the couch with me before letting the sobs take over my body.

"Spence, what happened and why are you in your underwear?" She asked softly with her raspy voice.

"Sh- she came back for me. I told her about the k-kiss and she left me." I could barely breathe let alone speak. She ran her fingers through my hair trying to soothe me as I laid my head against her chest.

"Fuck Spencer." I hear her let out a frustrated sigh causing me to look at her.

"What?"

"Ashley left you for kissing me and the first thing you do is call me? Do you really think that's going to look good?" She was right. If I even had a chance of getting Ashley to come back to me I doubt the first thing she wants to hear is that Brooke came over after she left.

"I didn't know who else to call." I mumbled before pulling out of her embrace. I hugged my knees to my chest before resting my chin on them.

"In most cases I would be more than happy to be here for you but this is the wrong time to ask that of me. Ashley is upset because we kissed and she's not going to be happy that you turned to me for comfort as soon as things get rough with you guys."

"She told me that I didn't love her, Brooke. I love her so much and I can't live without her. I went through a lot of stuff in high school and she never left my side. She's my everything. I just can't do it." I ran my hands through my hair as I sighed out.

"Then you're going to have to prove it to her. Let her blow off some steam and let things settle and try to talk it out with her. In the mean time you're done drinking and you need to go sleep this off." She replied before standing up and grabbing the bottle off of the coffee table. I watched her go pour it down the drain before walking back to me. She held her hand out to me causing me to take it and I followed her to my bedroom. "Let's get you into some clothes." I sat down on my bed as she pulled a t shirt and some shorts out of my drawer. She helped me into the clothes before laying me back into my bed and pulling my blanket over me.

"Thanks, Brooke." I whispered as I felt my eyes go heavy.

"You're welcome, Spencer." Were the last words I heard her whisper as she ran her fingers through my hair.

* * *

><p>I awoke with a pounding headache that caused me to groan. I winced as I opened my eyes and placed my hand over my eyes as the sun blinded me. I took my time getting adjusted to the light before rolling over. A cup of water was on the table next to a couple of aspirin. Brooke must have left it for me which means that last night really did happen. I wanted to cry but I had cried myself out and there was nothing left. I sat up slowly and popped the pills before taking a large gulp of water.<p>

"You should have known better than to drink after I left." My head whipped over to find Ashley sitting in the chair that sits in the corner of the bedroom. I moved so fast that nausea swept over me and I began running to bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach. I felt her hands pull my hair off my shoulders so I didn't get anything in it. After my stomach calmed down she flushed the toilet and sat me down on the floor. I watched as she got a wash cloth and wetted it before handing it to me. As I wiped my face off she got a toothbrush and tooth paste before handing it to me. I quickly brushed my teeth before she helped me up to rinse my mouth out.

"I didn't think you would come back." I whispered as she walked me back to the bed.

"At first neither did I. I don't want to lose you Spencer. I thought we could talk it out. I know I over reacted a bit last night and I had all night to think about it as I watched you sleep." Her words melted my heart and I quickly jumped into her arms causing her to cradle me on her lap. Her scent soothed me as I nuzzled my face into her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Ashley. I was just hurting so much and I know it's not a good enough excuse. It just kind of happened and I wish I could take it back. More than anything I wish I could take it back."

She was quiet and I know she was thinking about what I said but the fact that she was stroking my back gave me some hope that she wouldn't leave me again. "Why'd you do it?"

Why'd I do it? That's a good question. Is it because I'm attracted to Brooke or was I just seeking comfort? "I did it because I wanted to feel wanted. I have felt so alone these past couple of months and I guess I felt like I mattered when she kissed me. I also realized that a kiss from anybody but you doesn't mean anything to me because only you matter and you're the only one I want kissing me."

She clasped my face in her hands before pushing it back so she could look at me. She slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. My heart fluttered as we fell into our familiar rhythm. Her lips were perfect and it's like they were made to mold with mine. I never wanted to lose this feeling. We had to pull away after we ran out of breath and she pressed her forehead against mine.

"I don't want anyone else's lips touching yours again. Ever." She mumbled causing me to nod frantically.

"I promise it won't happen again, Ash. I love you so much and I can't live without you." I stopped as I thought about me calling Brooke last night. "I have something else to tell you and you're probably going to leave me again." I muttered out as tears finally filled my eyes.

Her body tensed against mine and I didn't want to tell her but I knew I had to, "What is it?"

"I called her last night, after you left. She came over and nothing happened I swear I just—"

"I know." She knows? She knows I called Brooke last night and that she came over and she's still here?

"You're not mad?" I ask as I look at her in confusion.

She rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head, "I didn't say that. I was fucking livid when I came back and Brooke was walking out of our apartment. I had a few vulgar things to say to her but she was quick to stop me and told me that she was just there to make sure you were okay and that you kept saying that you loved me and didn't want to lose me. I didn't say anything else to her I just came in and slept on the couch until this morning and then I watched you sleep and I realized the kiss didn't matter. I don't know if you could ever do anything to make me really leave you. I love you too damn much."

The tears fled my eyes and I grabbed her as tight as I could as I sighed out in relief. "Do you have feelings for her?" I froze before pulling back and looking at her and I could see the fear in her eyes.

"Of course I don't. She's been here for me these past couple of months and it was really nice to have someone to lean on. I just let it get too far but no I don't have feelings for her."

"Good. That's all I needed to hear. I promise I'm going to be here more Spence. I don't want you to feel alone or feel like you need to lean on anyone but me. You're mine and you always will be." She mumbled before pressing her lips against my forehead. "This smart mind is mine." She then kissed my right above my eyelids. "These beautiful blue eyes are mine to get lost in." She moved down to my lips and placed a chaste kiss. "These lips that I love kissing are mine." She moved down to my chest before placing a kiss on my chest before placing one more kiss. "This heart belongs to me."

"Always." I sighed out at the sensation before running my fingers through her hair and pulling her back up to kiss me. "Ashley make love to me. I want you to touch me and make me yours."

"It would be my pleasure."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. It was soft and slow and we were enjoying the moment. I felt her fingers skim down to the bottom of my shirt before slowly sliding it up my stomach. We parted long enough for her to pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the floor. We fell back into rhythm as she unclasped my bra and let it go in the direction of my shirt. She pushed me back on the bed and I pulled her with me. Her hand slid up to my breast as she cupped it with her hand causing me to gasp and push myself into her. She was on her knees bending over me as she slid her hands down my arms before placing them above my head.

"Don't move them." She whispered huskily causing me to feel the wetness between my legs.

I gave her a nod as I stared into those dark chocolate orbs of hers. I wanted to cum for her and let her know I belonged to her and only her. She pressed her lips against mine but quickly placed chaste kisses on my cheek down to my neck before making her way to my breast. I closed my eyes as her mouth latched onto my nipple causing me groan. I went to move my hands to grab her hair but she bit down on my nipple causing me to let out a yelp.

"I said don't move." I was beyond turned on and she knew it. She moved from my breasts down to my stomach and to the top of my shorts before placing kisses at the edge. I bucked my hips up but she was quick to push me back down. Her fingers slid into my waistband before sliding both my shorts and underwear down my leg.

"You're mine Spencer. No one else is ever going to make you cum the way I do. You only belong to me. Do you understand?" She said as she lifted my leg and nipped and sucked on the inside of my thigh.

I had never seen her like this. She was so dominating and possessive. It was such a turn on. I looked down at her and could tell she was leaving marks on my body from how hard she was sucking. She was branding me and I didn't care. I loved every bit of it.

"I'm all yours baby. Only yours." I sighed out and then moaned as she blew on my center. I was burning with desire and badly needed release. "Make me yours, Ashley."

That set her off and she swiped her tongue against my clit causing me to yell out. I was so sensitive I almost came from that one touch.

"You're so wet for me, Spence. Do you want to cum?" Holy fucking shit! Yes! I wanted to cum so badly! Hell I just wanted to be able to move but she wouldn't let me.

"Yes! Please, baby! Make me cum for you!" I felt her grin against my thigh but that seemed to do the trick because she started sucking and licking my clit.

"Fuck! Oh fuck, baby. Fuck me!" I screamed out causing her to slam to fingers into me. "Ugh! Faster!"

She quickened her pace as she bit down on my clit and that was all it took for me to scream her name and cum for her. My walls convulsed for what seems like forever as she cleaned me up with her tongue. After I calmed down she slowly pulled her fingers out causing me to gasp. I was so sensitive from that explosive orgasm and she made sure not to touch my clit. She slowly crawled up to me before pulling me into her embrace.

"I love you so much, Ashley." I whispered as I felt myself falling asleep.

"I love you too, Spencer. So much." Were the last words I heard as I drifted off.

* * *

><p>We woke back up later in the afternoon. I had woken her up in a really good way. Let's just say she woke up moaning my name. I had missed this, her touch, her lips, her voice, her scent, among other things. I never wanted her to leave me again. Moments like this where I am cuddled up into her side with her playing with my hair as we watch movies in bed makes me wish we could stay like this forever.<p>

"What are you thinking about?" She asked as she ran her fingers up and down my back.

"I just wish you didn't have to leave again." I whispered not daring looking her in the eyes. I knew if I did I would start crying and I didn't want to ruin this moment.

"Just three more shows and I'll be home for a few months." The whole point is that after three months it's going to be like this again.

"Ash, I just want a normal relationship." I started to say as I sat up and faced her. "I want to come home and be able to tell you about my day and vice versa. I want to be able to make dinner with you and decide what nights we will go out and what nights we will stay in. Most of all I want to be able to kiss you good night and wake up to your face every day." I was clearly upset and she was quick to place a hand on my cheek which instantly soothed me. It's amazing how one touch can calm me down.

"I want all of the same things, Spence. I just—I want to make my dad proud." The last part was whispered and I was shocked. I didn't ever think about that.

"That is why you are doing this, because you want to make your dad proud?" I asked causing her to nod. "Baby he is going to be proud of you no matter what you do."

I could tell she was trying to process what I was saying but the tears were brimming and it broke my heart. "I have to finish the tour but once I'm done I'll be back for good."

Holy shit. She's not going to leave again? Should I feel bad she's giving everything up for me? Why does everything have to be so hard?

"I don't want you to do this and end up blaming me or have regrets." I whispered in fear.

"Baby I won't have any regrets. I want all the same things you do. I want to be home with you again."

"Promise?"

"On my heart."

Maybe things will get better. Only time will tell.

* * *

><p>Thanks for the reviews guys! Just wanted to get this posted with a quickness but I appreciated the reviews for the last chapter!<p>

shoutout to rain- You keep me sane with your words. Thank you for always inspiring me to better myself and making me feel worth it. I love you.


	18. Scream & Shout

I was currently sitting in my office after finishing up my day at school and was currently filing some of Brooke's paperwork. She had been distant since the night that we kissed and it was really starting to bother me. Ashley had to go back and finish her tour and normally I spent time with Brooke to make things easier. Now it's like she will barely look me in the eye and if she says anything to me, it's all business related. I have asked her two days in a row if she wanted to go eat lunch but she said she was too busy with work and wanted to work while she ate. I didn't realize how much I relied on her as a friend and I was really starting to miss her.

I paused on the folders I was working on and made my way to Brooke's office which was right down the hall. I knocked before waiting on her response letting me know I could come in. I opened the door and she briefly looked up before going back to typing whatever it was on the computer.

"Everything okay, Spencer?" She asked causing me to sit in a chair in front of her desk.

"I'm not sure. Can we talk?" This caused her to stop her movements and look up at me. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to do anything but talk to me and it definitely didn't make me feel too great.

"Sure. What's going on?"

"I just wanted to make sure everything was okay between us. Ever since that night you seem kind of stand offish with me. I just don't want that to affect our friendship."

She sighed before running her manicured fingers through her hair, "Spence, I just—I don't know. I don't want to be the reason you and Ashley have issues. I grew up watching my parents fight because my mother always thought that my father was cheating on her and I don't want to feel like I'm the other woman, if that makes sense?"

Woah. Other woman? I guess I never thought of it like that. "Brooke, it's not like that at all. Yeah we kissed but it was a mistake and you shouldn't blame yourself for that when it was both of our faults. You've been a really good friend to me and I don't want to lose that. Ashley and I were already having issues and you had nothing to do with that."

She began to nibble on her lower lip as she contemplated what I had said. "You've been a really great friend to me too, Spencer. If you want we can go to lunch but just make sure that you let Ashley know. I don't want her thinking that this is anything more than friendship and then it becoming an issue in your relationship with her."

I gave her a big grin as I nodded, "I can do that. So does that mean we can go to lunch now? I'm starving!"

She let out a laugh before nodding as she grabbed her purse and followed me out. Let's just hope Ashley doesn't take this the wrong way because I really like having Brooke as a friend.

* * *

><p>"So how are things going with you guys?" Brooke asked before taking a bite of her grilled chicken salad. We were sitting outside at a table right outside of a café eating our lunch.<p>

"It's going good I guess. She had to go back on tour but she said that after she finishes up she is going to be done touring. Well, for now anyway."

"For good? She's just going to give it all up?" She asked me with wide eyes and I don't blame her. I was thinking the same thing.

"I don't think she could ever give it all up but she will be taking some time off and staying at home with me. To be honest, I'm sure she will get some great offer again and she will end up leaving but I guess it's the thought that counts. It's hard being alone every night."

"For what it's worth I can see how much she loves you. It's all over her face." Brooke replied causing me to smile. I love her too. She's my rock, my lover, my everything.

"Did you come to that conclusion when she talked to you the other night?" I asked with a smirk causing her to look fearful which confused me.

"She told you what happened?"

I raised an eyebrow as I tried to figure out if I was missing something, "Yeah, she told me she might have been a little hateful to you when she saw you leave my apartment but you told her that I kept saying how much I loved her so she just came in and fell asleep."

Her panic seemed to fade as she let out a breath. Am I missing something? "Yeah I just um, thought she may have told you what the exact vulgar words were. Didn't want you getting mad at her." She let out a small laugh as she looked away. I may not be super close to Brooke but I can definitely tell when she is avoiding something.

I decide to let it go as I give her a small laugh in return, "Mad at me? If anything I would be worried you would be mad at her. She can be pretty hateful when she wants to be."

"It's fine. I understood where she was coming from. She was just looking out for you." I smile at the thought and give her a soft nod.

"I'm just ready for her to be home again." I can't wait to be back into her arms and run my fingers through her wavy locks.

"Don't piss off the neighbors too much when she gets back." She says before giving me a wink.

"Oh we will."

* * *

><p>After work I had gone home and taken off my clothes before taking a nice steamy shower. It felt amazing to wash the day away. If only I had had a certain pair of arms were around me. I let out a sigh as I shut the water off and stepped towards the mirror. I wiped my hand over the steam so I could see my reflection before combing the tangles out of my hair. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself before going into the bedroom. I fired up my mac before slipping on some underwear and a bra before sitting down in front of the desktop.<p>

I heard a ping come from skype to let me know Ashley had logged on. I let out a squeal of excitement before clicking on her name. She was quick to answer and her face filled up my screen causing me to grin at her. She looked like she was dressed to go out.

"Hey baby." I whispered before blowing her a kiss.

"Hey beautiful girlfrr friend!" She let out a loud giggle as she kissed the screen.

I frowned as I looked at her and she was acting odd, like she was out of it. "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe a little?" She replied with a laugh as she showed me how much with her thumb and index finger.

"Are you going out tonight?"

"Yeah! Rachel wants me to go to this publicity even tonight since I don't have a concert tonight and we may have had a few shots." She lifted up her shot glass to show me before taking another.

Okay, now I'm fuming. She's going out drinking with her damn publicist!? I hate Rachel. She always flirts with Ashley but Ashley won't fire her because she's really good at what she does. Well she can kiss my ass for all I care; she needs to keep her slutty fingers away from my girl.

"Hey sexy bitch! You're not really gonna make me sleep on the couch are you!?" I heard Rachel's annoying voice in the back ground. Oh it was fucking on. Ashley definitely knew what was about to happen because her eyes widened in shock.

"Spence, don't!"

"Don't you dare tell me not to! You're letting her sleep in your room? Are you fucking kidding me? You know I don't like her." I spat at her causing her to groan and run her fingers through her hair.

"Spencer, I was just going to let her crash in my room because they had a mix up when we booked our rooms and they are all full. Besides you know I don't like Brooke yet you still work with her." Work with her? She doesn't think we're friends anymore?

"Speaking of Brooke we had lunch today. At least she spends her time with me when she's not working. You just go get trashed with Rachel and let her stay in your damn room instead of having a conversation to ask me how I'm doing."

"You are still friends with Brooke?" Is that all she heard!? Great, now it looks like she is getting pissed off. I'm so sick of fighting with her it's unreal.

"Yes I am because she is still there for me when you're not. Don't even try to tell me I can't be friends with Brooke because it obviously doesn't matter to you that I don't like Rachel."

She paused as she glared at me before her next words, "If I fired Rachel would you quit being friends with Brooke?" Shit. Oh shit. That backfired on me. Brooke is one of my best friends and I don't want to lose her.

"No." I whispered.

"Then don't give me that bullshit about Rachel." This is obviously going nowhere. "And to be honest I still don't trust you after you kissed Brooke. I've been trying to but you're not giving me much of a reason to. All you want to do is defend your friendship with her but when are you going to fight for ours?"

Well that was a slap to the face. If that's not her calling me a slut then I don't know what is. I could feel the anger bubbling to the surface and I was getting close to saying something I was going to regret.

"Ashley, I have been fighting for our relationship and that kiss was a mistake. Brooke isn't trying to get into my pants like Rachel is trying to get into yours."

Ashley let out a sarcastic snort before shaking her head, "It might have been a mistake to you but not to her."

"What's that supposed to mean!? We're just friends, nothing else."

"That's what you think." What the fuck is she talking about!? I put my hand over my face and sigh.

"Look, I'm getting really tired of fighting and I have to go to school and work tomorrow so I'm going to bed. My point was I would think that you would want to talk to me instead of getting trashed with Rachel but I can clearly see that's not the case. So have a great fucking night." I didn't even bother shutting my webcam off I just tossed a shirt over it so she couldn't see me.

"Spencer!" She was still yelling and I could see her from my bed so I sunk my face into my pillow ignoring her. "Please, come back!"

"_Forget her Ashley, let's just go have some fun and you guys can talk later." _I wanted to fucking strangle Rachel.

"I don't know Rach, doesn't sound like a good idea." She replied back and I honestly felt bad from the tone in her voice. She sounded sad and defeated.

"_Come on, Ashley! It will be fun and you'll forget all about it."_

I heard her let out a soft sigh, "Okay, let's go."

Awesome. She chose Rachel over me but I guess I didn't give her much of a choice. I can feel the exhaustion set in and I close my eyes. I start thinking about the first night we had sex. It was amazing and everything I wanted it to be. In spite of how scared I was after the rape she made me completely happy and I felt safe. When did we let things get in-between us? Should we take a break and see what we should do? I feel my addiction to her becoming less and less and it's possibly due to the fact that I'm not around her enough. I know she said she would come back home to me but when would she leave me again? Would I be back in the same boat? Miserable and alone. I left the darkness take over as I drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p>I heard a crashing sound causing me to sit up in my bed. My heart was racing and I had a feeling someone was breaking into the condo.<p>

"Oh shit!" I heard someone yell causing me to jump. I searched my room but it was dark and my eyes hadn't adjusted yet. A light flipped on but it was coming from my computer. I squinted as I tried to figure what the fuck my computer was doing.

Then it all clicked and I remembered I never turned my webcam off last night and I guess she didn't either. I rolled my eyes knowing she'd be back with Rachel. I was about to get up and turn it off when I heard Rachel say something.

"Now where were we?" I my eyes widened and I really didn't want to know what she was talking about! I could hear them kissing and soon I saw Rachel shoving Ashley onto the bed as they continued their kiss. There was no way this could really be happening. Their hands are all over each other and I feel like I'm going to hurl. I run over and hit the power button on my computer as fast I can before I see anymore.

What was I supposed to be the crazy webcam girlfriend who starts screaming 'quit kissing my girlfriend even though she's kissing you back'? Pathetic.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to be angry, or even sad would due, but all I could feel is shock. I looked over at the clock and it said 3:18 a.m. There was no way I'd be able to fall asleep after seeing that. She gave up on us. Sure I did it first, but I stopped what was happening. I told her that Rachel was like this and regardless of whether Ashley is drunk or not she still gave in to it. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe fate brought us together in high school to get us through the hard times—as friends. The thing is that I love her. I'm in love with her. She is sexy and sweet and she used to do anything for me. We were stuck together like glue and now it's like all we do is fight. For every step we take, we take two steps back. The thought of Brooke comes to mind. She supports me when I need her, she always listens to me when I need her to, she makes me laugh, and she is just there for me. I need Ashley to be that. I just need somebody, anybody.

I grab my phone before dialing Brooke's number. After a couple of rings she picks up before dropping the phone and mumbling a cuss word.

"Hello?" Her voice is husky and I have to admit it's sexy as hell.

"Brooke." My voice cracked as I tried to get her name out and I felt the tears streaming down my face without realizing I was crying.

"Spencer is that you?"

"Yes. Can I come over?" I whispered as I tried to wipe away the tears.

"Of course. Are you okay?" Her voice was laced with fear and it actually comforted me that she cared.

"I just need someone." I whispered as I got up and began putting clothes on.

"Okay, Spence. I'll text you my address. Please be careful."

"I will."

* * *

><p>Before you guys starting bashing me! This is a Spashley story so just keep that in mind. Thanks for all of the encouraging reviews for the last chapter. I would have gotten this update sooner but my birthday was on the 17th and a friend of mine got into a wreck that night and then passed away the next day. I actually threw myself into writing because its kept my mind off of things just couldn't get it up yet.<p>

The lem: Thanks so much! There will be plenty of Brooke don't worry. I'm obsessed with her.

DominoL: Im glad you are enjoying it and got through all of it! Feel free to give me any input you would like it always makes me think of new things to do in my story.

Rain1657: Thank you! I hope you don't think im going the wrong way with this story I just want something new and different. Like the torn between two lovers type of thing. From something that she always knew and depended on to someone who is different and there for her but stable. Can't wait to see what you think.

Inviziblinc: Im glad you could see where Im coming from. No story is perfect and different writers like to do different things. Also no love story is perfect and rough patches are a part of life. Thanks for the reviews and support.

A mind that sits still: You ask and you shall receive! I completely agree. Spencer can't be the only one to make mistakes. They are going to have to get over their shit and become different people if they want to make things work.

Sonfanatic: I really appreciate that. I love any reviews I get. I get all giddy when I see that I have a new review so thanks so much!


	19. Stay With Me

Well after all this time I decided to write again and what happens? I get almost done with the chapter and it closes out without saving. Fuck my life. So here we go again. Hopefully I can remember everything. Ohhhh btw. Hi guys!

* * *

><p>I sigh as my taxi pulls up to Brooke's condo. I felt like a mess. I was wearing yoga pants and a hoody to go with my messy bun on the top of my head. I payed the driver before stepping out and heading for the elevator. What was I doing here? If I was trying to work things out with Ashley this was definitely not the right place to be. I get into the elevator before pushing her floor number. You would think I would be crying and screaming and hunting Ashley down, but at this point I was all cried out and the only person I wanted to see was Brooke. Have you ever just been so fed up with something you just don't care anymore? I know deep down I still care but at this point I want something different. How many times are we supposed to go through the ups and downs? I keep thinking it will get better but it never does. I understand no relationship is perfect but when you lose the will to fight, what's left?<p>

I sigh as the elevator beeps at me letting me know i've made my destination. I thought I would have time to prepare myself before I saw Brooke but as the elevator doors opened, I quickly realized she owned the whole floor. Her condo was beautiful. Most of her furniture was cream colored with a few pieces being red that seemed to give the place some color. It seemed like nothing was out of place and I was almost scared to step on the carpet with my shoes on. I heard foot steps coming from the kitchen and before I knew it she was in front of me. She was wearing a white v neck and black booty shorts.

"Come in." Her husky voice made the hair stand up on my arms. It was so similar to Ashley, yet so different. I followed her over to her cream colored couch and we each faced each other as we sat on either end of the small love seat. She had a fire going in her fire place and the lighting did her justice. I guess I've never looked at Brooke closely, or at least not like this. She had taken her make up off but her skin was still flawless. Her brown locks flowed to her shoulders and had a slight wave to them. She had a beauty mark on her cheek and she had adorable dimples. She had curves to her body and they were definitely sexy. I think my favorite thing about her is her eyes. She had these hazel eyes that I could get lost in. It was hard to read them but I saw flashes of emotion from time to time.

"So what happened?"

"You mean when I watched Ashley about to fuck Rachel on my webcam that she forgot to turn off?" I asked causing her nostrils to flare. I saw anger wash over her face.

"You've got to be kidding me? I told her." She mumbled as she shook her head.

"Told her what?" I asked causing Brooke's eyes to go wide with fear.

"Told her she better not fuck you over again." I feel like Brooke was hiding something from me. She tensed up anytime that conversation is brought up and Ashley told me the kiss meant more to Brooke but I never though to say anything about it.

"What happened that night, Brooke?" I asked causing her to take a sharp intake of air. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip causing a nervousness to build in my stomach.

"She asked me If I loved you." Holy shit! I can only imagine how angry Ashley must have been to ask that.

I tried to calm my nerves before I asked, "What did you say?"

"Yes."

My mind was officially blown. Here's this beautiful girl who always listens to me when I'm hurting, jokes to make me laugh, does anything to see me smile and probably causes the least drama, telling me that she loves me. Is it wrong that I wanted her to say yes?

"Brooke-"

"No stop, Spencer. I know what you're going to say. You're in a fucking relationship and here I am telling you that I love you for Christ's sake." She jumped up and began pacing around. "I'm so fucking stupid.

I jumped up and stepped in her path causing her to come to a hault. I placed her hand on my racing heart before looking up at her.

"Do you feel that?" I asked causing her to nod. "That's what you do to me. I'm not sure what it means or what I want it to mean. I don't even know for sure if me are Ashley are in a relationship but you definitely have my attention Brooke."

She smiled before placing a hand on my cheek before trailing her fingers down to my neck, leaving a tingling sensation in her path. "That's good to hear."

"Brooke?" I locked eyes with her as she looked at me with confusion, "Can I kiss you?"

Her mouth opened slightly as she took in a breath. She licked her lips before giving me a soft nod. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close to me. I placed a hand on the back of her neck before pulling her to me. I slowly pressed my lips against hers and almost died. It felt like like heaven. This time I wasn't drunk and could enjoy the planned moment. Have you ever tried something and wondered why you didn't have this your whole life? That's what this felt like. Like everything made complete sense.

I slowly bit her lip causing her to moan as she ran her fingers through my hair. She pulled back and gave me the sexiest smile that showed me her dimples.

"Stay with me tonight?" I bit my lip as I contemplated her question. I wasn't ready to sleep with her. Hell I didn't even know if I was in a relationship or not. "Just sleep." I guess she knew what I was thinking about. I gave her a smile before nodding. She returned my smile before grabbing my hand and leading me to her bed. She stayed true to her word and we spent most of the night talking and cuddling.

* * *

><p>I woke up smelling breakfast. I could hear music playing but it was too far to hear who it was. I stretched out in her big white comforter and sighed. It felt good to wake up with someone to talk to even if they were in a different room. You would think I would be upset and sad but honestly I am just excited to see Brooke and talk to her. I got up and walked into the bathroom before splashing some water on my face. I put some toothpaste on my finger and tried to clean my teeth. I felt like a high schooler again, preparing to see their crush. It was a weird feeling. I followed the scent of what smelled like pancakes to the kitchen. What I saw before me was the most adorable thing. Brooke had her hair pulled back and she was in the process of making what I had thought, pancakes. That wasn't the best part. She was shaking her butt to the music that was playing and singing along. She definitely wasn't the best singer but she was kinda sexy shaking her butt like that.<p>

"Hey, hey, hey, hey Ooh, oh

Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out

And love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't you forget about me

Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't you forget about me"

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle causing her to freeze before turning to face me. Her cheeks were bright red and she had some flour on her face. "I didn't wake you did I?" She asked as she played with the spatula she had in her hand.

"No. It smells amazing. Oh and FYI, I could never forget you." I said as I walked over and wiped her face off. If she wasn't red before, she definitely is now.

She gave me a smile but then it faded, "Can I ask you something?" My smile faded as well and I nodded for her to continue. "Why are you here?"

Ouch.

"The best answer I have for you is that when my world came crashing down, you're the person I wanted to be with. You make sense to me." I replied causing her to chew on her lower lip.

"I don't want to get hurt." Her voice was huskier then normal which i'm sure was from just waking up. I definitely liked it.

"I don't want to hurt you, Brooke. I just don't know what's going to happen."

She gave me a small nod before starting to make our plates. It was hard to tell what she was feeling. Me and Ashley usually screamed or cried but she just gave me a small smile. She has her guard up and I don't know if she will let me be the person to bring it down. I picked my phone up from the counter and realized I had 20 missed calls and 30 texts... from who else but yours truly. I sighed and put my phone back without checking anything.

"You should probably talk to her." Brooke whispered before setting my plate down in front of me and then sitting down to eat hers as well. The problem was I didn't want to talk to her. It's not because I was mad and spiteful, it was because I just had better things I wanted to do and Brooke was one of them.

"How would you like to go for a walk to the park with me after breakfast? Maybe do some shopping?" I asked causing her to look up at me.

Her eyebrows shot up and she nibbled on her lip, "You sure?"

"I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't." She gave me that adorable smile before nodding.

"I'd love to."

* * *

><p>We spent the day together. Walking around and shopping. Trying on outfits and laughing at each other. I got ice cream and wiped some on Brooke's facing causing her to squeal. It's been a good day to say the least. I didn't want it to end. I knew eventually I would have to talk to her.<p>

The sun was setting as we walked up to my apartment. "You know you still need to talk to her." She said as we walked up to my door.

"I know. Honestly Brooke, today has been perfect. I'm not ready to face the real world. I know deep in my heart we are done. I'm going to have to go to new york to talk to her." She placed her hand on my cheek.

"Can you see me in your future?" She asked as she traced my bottom lip with her thumb.

"Absolutely." She smiled before leaning in and softly pecking me on the lips. I couldn't resist as I grabbed the back of her head and deepened the kiss. "See you when I get back?"

"Can't wait." She gave me her signature wink before walking away with the sway of her hips that had me memorized.

I walked up to my apartment before opening the door and walking in with a smile. Today was definitely what I needed.

"You done ignoring me?"

Maybe not.

* * *

><p>Well well well! Sorry for a delay of two years. I had a lot going on. What do you guys think? I know im moving away from spashley but it could go back!<p> 


End file.
